Crazy for this Girl
by Yugure
Summary: Up to his usual tricks, Xelloss slips a love potion into Zelgadis's coffee... and now Zel can't seem to stay away from Lina! ZL
1. Crazy for this Girl - Act 1

Standard disclaimer applies: I don't own the Slayers or the characters appearing in this fic. This is not a songfic at all, but I did get the name for it from the song "Crazy for this Girl" by Evan and Jaron. Love-in-Idleness is a flower in William Shakespeare's play "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and I sort of "borrowed" it for this fic.

**Crazy for this Girl**

Xelloss Metallium, priest and general of the high and mighty Greater Beast Xelas, was bored.

Mind you, this is the Mazoku who normally kept busy with annoying mortals; most of the time, the mortals being Lina and the others she traveled with. So why, on that fateful day, was the Trickster Priest without someone to torment?

That… is a secret.

But I will tell you that Xelloss definitely planned on doing something to change that. It was the happenstance discovery of a red bottle that set the course of events to follow. The bottle itself was completely innocuous, and even the contents were nothing to fear. However, it was the way in which they were used that was a cause for concern.

Thus, another day in the Slayers world.

Atlas City… 

Xelloss walked up and down the apothecary shop's aisles, his eyes scanning the bottles and boxes adorning the shelves. He could faintly hear the sound of Lina and Gourry squabbling over where to eat and Amelia's excited shouts of joy as she found some intriguing trinket or another.

'What was it Lina-san wanted?' Xelloss thought to himself. 'She told me she needs something from over here, but I can't remember what it was…' As Xelloss pondered the sorceress's request, a red bottle caught his eye. Curious, Xelloss picked it up and read the label.

"Love-In-Idleness Potent Brew!

Removes all emotional inhibitions!

Use only in moderation.

Side effects include: …"

Xelloss stopped reading there, a plan already forming in his mind. 'This ought to be fun…" With a cheeky grin on his face, Xelloss strolled out of the shop.

**Later that night, at an inn…**

A pair of violet eyes watched the table occupied by Lina and her friends. As usual, a fight for the food was taking place. Lina was winning by a long shot. Xelloss tapped the small red bottle against his chin and smiled. From his table in the corner, he was able to observe the events unfolding without being seen. He intended to stay unseen for quite awhile and never stray from the shadows. He was positive that any other action would result in Lina Dragon Slave-ing his hide.

'Now, to choose a victim,' the Trickster Priest thought. He glanced at the raven-haired princess. 'Not Amelia. She already shows her emotions more than necessary.' Next was the blonde swordsman. 'Not Gourry. There'd be no fun in that.' The petite, redheaded sorceress caught his attention next. 'I highly doubt I'd live to laugh another day if I tried it on Lina-san.' Finally, Xelloss's eyes rested on the chimera.

'Oh, yes. Yes, my dear little Zelgadis. You shall be my test subject.'

**The kitchen…**

By means of teleportation, Xelloss entered the kitchen. He sent out a subtle mind sweep, looking for the waiter who was delivering food to Lina's table. It didn't take long to do so, and Xelloss grabbed hold of the young waiter.

"Young sir, allow me to assist you," Xelloss said. The waiter, who was trying to balance three trays laden with food and drinks, smiled in relief and let Xelloss take a tray. The Trickster Priest cast a quick disguise spell on himself and followed the youth out. When he was sure no one was paying attention to him, Xelloss emptied the entire red bottle into the cup of coffee balancing precariously on the tray.

'It's show time!'

**The table…**

"Oi! Lina, that was my chicken!" Amelia protested, pouting at the sorceress. Lina waved the leg of chicken in front of the princess's face.

"Ya snooze ya lose! It's that simple!" Lina said. She chomped down on the meat. Amelia grabbed a bread roll and quickly ate it before Lina could steal it. Zelgadis glanced down at his empty mug of coffee. Already feeling the withdrawal of a few minutes sink in, Zelgadis worriedly looked around for the waiter.

"Here's your coffee, sir!" a buxom waitress said. Zelgadis looked up to see a disturbingly familiar woman offering him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Zelgadis said cautiously. Where had he seen that person before? … Well, no matter. He had his coffee now, and there was no way he was gonna let it get cold. The waitress chuckled and walked away.

"Hey! That was MY hot pot!"

**The next morning, Lina's room…**

Lina yawned and turned over in her bed. Because the inn was cheap and it had hardly any customers, everyone was able to get their own room. It was wonderful. Lina didn't have to listen to Amelia giving justice speeches in her sleep, or listen to Amelia's wake-up call in the morning (which consisted of another speech about life, love, and happiness). It was just Lina.

The redheaded sorceress cracked one eye open. She wasn't sure what had awaked her, but the vestiges of sleep were slowly slipping away. Lina was expecting to be greeted by her pillow and the rays of sun slanting on it. However, that wasn't what she found.

Instead, a pair of sapphire eyes met her ruby ones.

"Oh, L-sama, if this is a dream, don't let me wake up," Lina muttered, sighing. Only in her dreams would the stone Adonis appear before her as he was now.

"Good morning, beautiful," a silky-smooth voice said.

It was then that the last tendrils of sleep slithered away, and Lina sat bolt upright in bed. This… definitely… wasn't a dream.

"AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

**The hallway…**

Xelloss, seated in the hallway outside of Lina's room, grinned in delight. So, it had worked after all. How amusing…

**Lina's room…**

"ZELGADIS GRAYWORDS, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN MY BED!!!" an enraged Lina screamed. The languid chimera lying beside her grinned.

"Why, Lina-chan, I thought you'd want some company on this fine summer morning," he replied, his voice turning to that of velvet. He reached his hand up to caress Lina's face, but the sorceress jerked backward and tumbled to the floor. She hastily righted herself and stared at Zelgadis, a bewildered look on her face.

"What has gotten into you? Why are you acting so weird?!" Lina demanded. "You're not acting like yourself at ALL!"

"I'm acting on my true feelings," Zelgadis replied. He stretched languorously, looking like an indolent cat.

"I can't believe this is happening," Lina moaned, rubbing her temples. "This is a dream, this is a dream, this is a dream… Zelgadis is NOT lying on MY bed, Zelgadis is NOT calling me beautiful, there is no flippin' way this is happening…"

During Lina's soliloquy, Zelgadis took the chance to slide off the bed and over to where the sorceress was standing. Lina was so deep in her ranting that she didn't realize the presence beside her until it was too late.

"You're beautiful when you're in denial," Zelgadis whispered, stroking Lina's cheek. With a shriek of surprise, Lina smacked the chimera's hand away and pointed her finger in his face.

"Touch me and die, Stone Boy," she snarled. Zelgadis simply grinned. Lina glowered at him. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, and I don't know how to fix it, but L-sama help me, I will haunt you until your dying days if you so much as lay another finger on me!"

"Does it bother you that much, Lina-chan?"

Lina refused to answer the question, mostly because she wasn't sure how to answer it. Sure, it really creeped her out that her friend was making advances on her, but the fact that it was Zelgadis slightly changed that. Nobody knew what she thought of the chimera, and she planned on keeping it that way. She was going to have to be cruel and heartless if she wanted to remain calm and levelheaded.

A knock on the door briefly brought their attention away from each other.

"Miss Lina, are you okay? I thought I heard you scream earlier, but I was half-asleep at the time. Breakfast is being served downstairs. Are you going to come down now?" Amelia's voice flitted through the air. Before Lina could respond, Zelgadis answered.

"We'll be right down in a second, Amelia," he said. Both he and Lina could hear the sharp intake of breath from the other side of the door.

"M- Mr. Zelgadis? What are you doing in-?" the princess's voice, heavy with grief, stopped short. Quiet snuffles, followed by quickly retreating footsteps, were audible. Lina glared at Zelgadis.

"Now look what you did, you jerk! You made Amelia cry!"

"It's not my fault the girl is emotionally unstable," Zelgadis replied offhandedly.

"You KNOW how much she likes you, and you have the nerve to call her emotionally unstable?! What kind of cold-hearted bastard are you?!" Lina yelled.

"The kind that's in love with you, of course," was the slick reply. Lina snorted in contempt.

"Look, I want you to get out of my room so I can change. We're going to go downstairs for breakfast, and we're going to pretend this never happened, okay? I want you to explain to Amelia that we were just discussing our plan on how to get from here to Zephilia. Got that?" the redhead ordered.

"Just one question."

"…"

"Do I really have to leave?"

"GET OUT!!"

With that earth-shattering shriek, everyone's favorite chimera was promptly booted out of Lina's room.

"Alas, thus is life," Zelgadis sighed.

**Downstairs, at the breakfast table…**

The raven-haired princess was quietly munching on a serving of scrambled eggs when Zelgadis entered the room. Amelia barely looked up when the chimera sat down at the table and motioned to a waitress. Gourry had yet to appear at all.

"Cup of coffee, please. Black," Zelgadis said. The waitress nodded and scurried away. "Good morning, Amelia."

"… 'mornin'," the princess replied without enthusiasm.

"About this morning…" Zelgadis started. Amelia glanced up quickly, her eyes shining with hope. _So it wasn't what it looked like!_ she thought happily. _There's a reasonable explanation for it!_

"Yes, Mr. Zelgadis?" Amelia leaned forward, hardly daring to hope. _They were just discussing plans for travel, or maybe Miss Lina saw a slug, or maybe-_

"Lina and I have decided to elope. We're leaving right after breakfast."

CRASH!!

The princess got a very nice view of the hardwood floor. The grain was superb, and it was polished like marble; perfect to a fault. However, Amelia wasn't in the mood or frame of mind to care about such things. Instead, she righted herself, sat back down in her seat, and went back to eating her food. Silent tears dripped down her face.

"Mornin', Zelgadis! Mornin', Amelia!" Gourry said as he stepped off the staircase and walked over to the table.

"Good morning, Gourry," Zelgadis replied. The waitress returned and handed Zelgadis his coffee.

"Hi! I'll have everything on this side, and this side, and this side. Double portions, please," Gourry told the waitress. After recovering from a near heart attack, the waitress left. "Hey Amelia. What's wrong?"

"…" was the forlorn reply. Gourry scratched his chin in concentration.

"Did you loose something? Did Lina steal your food? Oh!" Suddenly struck by a brilliant idea, Gourry slammed his right fist into his other hand. "It's that time of the month, isn't it!?"

"No, it's not any of those!" Amelia said angrily, finally looking up. She sniffed a few times before continuing. "It's worse! Worse than all those combined!"

"Honestly, Amelia, I think you're taking this way too hard," Zelgadis put in. Amelia stiffened in response to the sound of his voice.

"M-Mr. Zelgadi-is…" she cried. It was at that moment that Lina appeared in the room.

"Hey everyone!" she said. Then, upon hearing only silence in return, Lina sat down at the table and looked at everyone's faces in concern. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know, Miss Lina," Amelia replied icily. "Why don't you tell me?"

Lina raised an eyebrow and gave Amelia a weird look.

"What crawled up your royal derriere and died?" she retorted as she flagged down a waitress. "Yeah, gimme everything on your menu, and make it snappy."

"How dare you!" Amelia sputtered. Her eyes glistened, and new tears replaced the drying ones. "How dare you say that, Miss Lina! Especially after what-" The princess stopped and simply stared at Lina.

Now feeling completely lost, Lina narrowed her eyes.

"Look. I don't know why you're acting like such a brat, but I sure as hell don't like it," she snapped. She glanced at Zelgadis and caught a fleeting smile. Suddenly the pieces of the puzzle began to fit in place. "Zelgadis…"

The chimera lifted his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair, waiting in anticipation for the sorceress's words.

"What did you say to Amelia when you came down here this morning?" Lina asked with pseudo-kindness and patience.

"I told her exactly what you told me to tell her," Zelgadis replied steadily. Amelia gasped in shock.

"You mean you told him to tell me?!" she exclaimed. "You, my best friend, sent the guy I love to tell me you two were eloping?! What kind of friend are you!?"

The room grew fatally silent. Gourry was even more perplexed than Lina, so he kept his mouth shut. Amelia's face still held it's tortured expression, and Zelgadis's indolent grin seemed frozen in place. Only Lina seemed to be going through a change. The confusion melted from her face as if it were water. A deadly calm smile slid into place, making everything that much more horrific. Gourry, recognizing the expression, immediately got up from his chair and backed away. Amelia, even through her anger and hurt, knew what was coming, and she, too, got up and scurried away. Only Zelgadis didn't move.

"Zelgadis…"

"Yes, my love?"

"DILL BRAND!!!"

Later, on the road to Zephilia… 

"So Mr. Zelgadis is under some kind of spell?" Amelia was saying as the troupe headed out of Atlas City. Lina nodded and crossed her arms behind her head.

"Yeah. That's all I can figure out. He's never acted like this before, and we haven't done anything to provoke it, so that's my best guess," she said. Lina glanced at Zelgadis, who was, at the moment, acting normal. "And I'll also make the educated guess that Xelloss is behind it. Not only is he the single person in our group who would get a kick out of it, he's also been missing since yesterday. I asked him to get me an herb from the drugstore, he agreed, and I haven't seen him since."

"So where is Xelloss?" Gourry asked. Lina's irritated expression made Gourry sidestep to get out of Lina's punching range.

"I don't know, Gourry, because if I did, Xelloss would be having extreme regrets about messing with us," Lina replied.

"What are we gonna do about this?! This is horrible! It's unjust!" Amelia cried. She cast a longing glance at Zelgadis, but the chimera wasn't at all interested in their conversation. Instead, he seemed to be deeply enthralled in the scenery around them. Every so often, he would stoop down a bit and pluck a flower from the ground. It was very unnerving to the rest of the gang because it was highly uncharacteristic of Zelgadis to do so.

"I know someone in Zephilia who may be able to help," Lina said. She dropped her arms and pulled out a map from a pocket in her cape. "But I have the sneaking suspicion that we'll need more help than that. Amelia, Gourry, I hate to say this, but we need to split up."

"What?! Why?" was the response Lina received from both her comrades. She motioned for them to come closer, and she unfolded the map.

"Amelia, I need you to go back to Saillune and search the libraries there for anything pertaining to this… this condition of Zel's." Lina flicked her finger at the spot labeled Saillune. "And Gourry, I want you to go to Sairaag and see if you can find Sylphiel. Last I heard she's helping to rebuild the city. We could definitely use her knowledge of white magic." Lina tapped the dot of Sairaag. "Then, after I find help in Zephilia, we can meet here." Lina's finger traced a rough figure on the map.

"But Lina, I can't leave you!" Gourry exclaimed. "I'm your bodyguard, remember?"

"For L-sama's sake, Gourry, I don't need a bodyguard! And trust me, you'll be helping me out a lot more if you go find Sylphiel for me," Lina snapped. Gourry nodded, understanding in a way only Gourry could.

"I don't want to leave you, either, Miss Lina," Amelia replied softly. Lina glared at her, and Amelia's face flushed. "With Zelgadis and all-"

"Mr. Overly-Active-Libido will be just fine. I'm dropping him off at the next town we come across," Lina said. "And besides, the sooner you find the right books to help us, the sooner we can get Zelgadis back to normal. You want that, don't you, Amelia?"

"Yes."

"What's this I hear about you dumping me in the next town?" Zelgadis suddenly said. Without Lina realizing it, he had rejoined the group and he was walking right behind Lina. As in, nearly treading on her heels. As in, his warm breath tickled the back of her neck and sent shivers down her spine.

Lina whirled around and stuck her hand out to stop Zelgadis.

"Don't do that!" she snapped. Zelgadis just gave a faint, mocking smile, which only infuriated the sorceress more. "There's a little town about a mile from here, and you're gonna stay there because there's no way I'm gonna let you tag along with anyone else. In your condition, there's all sorts of trouble you could get into."

"But he's only following you, Lina," Gourry pointed out in a moment of brilliance. Lina glowered and stamped her foot.

"That's not the point! The point is that Zelgadis needs to keep the hell away from me until I can figure out what is wrong with him!" she yelled. Zelgadis crossed his arms and walked past the ranting sorceress.

"We'll see about that," he called over his shoulder. Lina stormed after him. Amelia and Gourry trailed behind them.

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded. Zelgadis smiled and quickly glanced at her.

"So once you figure out what's wrong with me, I can be with you?" he said, ignoring her question. Lina's cheeks turned slightly red.

"No, I didn't say that!" she said. "What makes you think I said that?!"

"Well, you said I need to keep away from you until you find out what's wrong. That implies that once you do, I'm allowed to be with you."

"…."

Zelgadis smirked but didn't say anything. Lina crumpled the map in her hands and shoved it in her pocket.

"Shut up and keep walking," she scowled.

**In the previously unnamed town…**

It so happened that the little town was a junction for the roads that Amelia and Gourry had to take to go their separate ways in their search for a new cure for Zelgadis. It was bad enough Zelgadis was cursed once, but now they needed something totally different. Who knew how long it would take to snap Zelgadis out of his current frame of mind?

Xelloss knew, of course, but there's no way in all the circles of Hell that he'd let anyone else find out. It was his private game, in which Lina and co. were the pawns. As usual. Mazoku are funny like that.

And so, the gang parted, and Lina was left alone with Zelgadis. Depending on how you looked at it, that was either a good thing or a bad thing.

"Zel, I'll see ya in a week or two. Or three. I dunno how long it'll take, but I'll help you get through this somehow. Maybe you could rent a room at the inn for a few weeks," Lina said as the pair stopped in front of the marketplace bustling with people.

"I don't see the need for that," Zelgadis replied.

"Why not?"

"I'm going with you."

"… No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Zelgadis, be reasonable. I can't have you… lusting after me like a hormonal teenager."

"I'm not that bad, am I?" Zelgadis looked into Lina's face, curious. Lina didn't answer right away. _No, you're not that far gone. But still…_ Zelgadis took Lina's hand into his own, but made no further move. "I promise to be on my best behavior if you let me accompany you."

"…"

"And you need me with you, anyway. How can you cure me if I'm not there?"

"… damn…" Lina cursed under her breath. How could she have let such an obvious fact go unheeded? Damn! Of course that's what Zelgadis meant when he said "We'll see about that"!! Lina was so anxious to get away from the amorous male she had let her mind make one too many mistakes. Lina scowled for a full minute, then pulled her hand out of Zelgadis's light grip. "Fine. Let's go."

And go they did: to Zephilia, in hopes of curing the chimera of his second curse.


	2. Crazy for this Girl - Act 2

Author Notes: The line "I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud" is from an Our Lady Peace song called "Clumsy".

* * *

**Crazy for this Girl: Act 2**

What's a girl to do?

When her normally withdrawn and indifferent friend suddenly turns into a libido-driven sex fiend, what's a girl to do?

Any normal girl would take her friend aside and explain gently but firmly that she does not welcome the extra attention and would greatly appreciate it if he would keep to himself. Any normal girl would remain cool, calm, and collected. Any normal girl –

"ZELGADIS GRAYWORDS, IF YOUR HAND GETS ANY CLOSER TO MY REAR I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR FIST!!"

Of course, Lina Inverse is not, nor ever will be, a normal girl.

"Lina, my darling, I just want to be near you," Zelgadis replied, but stepped out of Lina's hitting range anyway. Lina glowered at him. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and snorted.

"You don't have to touch a person to be near them," she snapped.

Zelgadis nodded thoughtfully. "True." However, Lina did not fail to miss the sly smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"We're almost to Toulouse; I believe it's just beyond this forest," Lina said. She glanced around at their surroundings. To the east and west, rolling hills and fields of wheat lay as far as the eye could see. Directly to the north, a foreboding forest beckoned the travelers. Lina shivered in spite of the warm sunlight on her back. She'd heard awful rumors about what went on in the Lautrec Forest.

According to legend, hundreds of years ago, two young lovers ran away from their home to elope. Their parents would not give them consent to marry. When the lovers reached the Lautrec Forest, they were brutally attacked and killed by a group of bandits. It was said that the spirits of the lovers still haunt the forest, embittered by their fate and jealous of other lovers. Any couple traversing the forest would feel the spirits' wrath; one person was killed and the other driven insane. Even a show of affection within the forest's limits was enough to attract the spirits.

This was where Lina grew nervous. Normally, it wouldn't have bothered her: She never showed affection for anyone. However, she had an amorous man for a travel companion, and that was sure to brew trouble, considering the way Zel had acted thus far.

There were only two choices, and only one of them was acceptable. The first was to simply skirt the forest and walk the long way around it. However, the Lautrec Forest was huge, and that would take at least an extra 3 days to travel. There was no way in Hell Lina was going to spend 3 more days than she had to with Zel in his current condition. Levitating over the forest was out, because a magic barrier had been placed around it and it was impossible to use magic in and above the forest. That left the only other option: Walk straight through, and hope for the best.

"So, shall we continue?" Zelgadis asked, his voice interrupting Lina's introspection. She blinked and looked up at him. The chimera smiled down at her. Lina realized that his arm was across her shoulders, and his fingers were lightly caressing her upper arm.

"HI-YA!" she yelled, and, grabbing the offending arm, sent the poor chimera flying through the air. "What did I say about touching me?! DON'T DO IT!"

"…itai…" was the mumbled reply. Lina started walking again. She made it her prerogative to step solidly on Zelgadis's chest as she sauntered by.

"Let's go," she said airily. Zelgadis sighed, climbed to his feet, and followed the sorceress.

The forest… 

"It's so cold and dismal in here," Lina murmured. She and Zel had arrived at the forest's border only a few minutes after their short break, and, with only a small bit of apprehension, walked straight into the shadows. They were currently forcing their way through the thick undergrowth and blankets of vines.

"It sure is," Zelgadis replied as he hacked away at the particularly large vine.

"Can't you hurry it up? We wanna get through here as quick as we possibly can." Lina chafed her arms and shivered. "At least we need to find a clearing to bed down for the night. Make a fire. Ooooh… fire… nice…" A contented sigh escaped Lina's lips.

"Don't you mean 'you' want to get through here as quick as possible?" Zelgadis replied. He held the now broken vine out of Lina's way as she walked forward.

"You're kidding me. You actually want to stay here?"

"Well, it gives me more time with you, my dear."

"ARGH! DON'T SAY THAT!" Lina shrieked. She spun on her heel and slapped her hand against Zel's mouth. With wide eyes she frantically searched the area around them. "Didn't I tell you to cool it while we're here? L-sama, we'll both be dead if you do that again!"

"Mmmph mm mph," Zelgadis mumbled. Lina scowled and pulled her hand away.

"You idiot. I told you about the legends here! Any form of affection will incur the wrath of the spirits, and then we'll both be screwed," she snapped. She continued walking.

"Why are you so paranoid?" Zelgadis replied. "Lina Inverse, the girl who defeated Shabranigdo, Hellmaster Phibrizzo, Darkstar – just to name a few – is afraid of some ghosts? What's wrong with this picture?"

Lina shot him a dirty look over her shoulder.

"In case you haven't noticed, genius, I can't use my magic while in this forest. Meaning no Fireballs, no Dragon Slaves, no nothing. Not even Lighting works. And you won't be able to use your magic, either. At least you have a sword. Me? I have a dagger. A dagger. How is that gonna hurt a ghost? Answer me that. I'm weaponless against a nasty supernatural force. And I'm supposed to be okay with this?"

"Lina, I'll always protect you."

"Don't talk like that."

"I'd never let anyone hurt you."

"Shut up."

"Be they ghosts, or trolls, or Mazoku - Bring them on, I say! Bring them on!"

"Zelgadis, shut UP!"

"Oh Lina, my sweet love, I can't bear to part with you!" Zelgadis exclaimed, and then threw his arms around the shocked sorceress.

"Oh, L-sama, NO!" Lina shrieked. She wiggled out of the warm arms and spun to glare into Zelgadis's face. "You are getting weirder by the second! And now you've doomed us both! Any second now those ghosts will be after us!"

They lapsed into silence.

A few seconds went by.

A minute passed.

Nothing happened.

"So where are these ghosts of yours?" Zelgadis asked, smirking.

"Shut up," Lina growled. They continued their trek through the thick underbrush.

Elsewhere… Do you feel it? 

_Yes, I feel it._

_They don't even realize it._

_That just goes to show how pathetic humans are._

_Well, we can't let them just walk away, can we?_

_Of course not. How shall we dispose of them?_

_Very carefully. I sense the raw power of Her. It's… disturbing…_

_Then let us proceed._

Somewhere nearby, the wind subtly shifted.

A small clearing… 

Lina kept her eyes trained on the dancing shadows of the forest. The flickering fire at her back did nothing to warm her frozen face or her growing sense of dread. _Zelgadis has been on his best behavior, but surely what he's let slip so far was enough to summon the spirits,_ the sorceress thought, absently pulling up blades of grass. _So why have we gotten so far without even one attack?_

The moon shone down wanly, obscured by clouds and the spreading treetops. The quiet crackles and pops of the fire, normally soothing to Lina's frazzled nerves, only made her more jumpy.

She wasn't sure why, exactly. Sure, there were restless spirits haunting the forest, but Lina Inverse had faced much worse before. Still… An unsettling feeling wrapped around the sorceress like a lackluster shroud.

Then again, that wasn't the only thing wrapped around Lina at the moment…

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!" she shrieked and pummeled the poor chimera into the ground.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" the said chimera wailed. "You looked so cold and lonely I couldn't help it!"

"Well, DON'T do it again!"

"All right, all right." Zelgadis moved back over to his side of the fire and began sharpening a dagger on a stone. "But just remember, I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

"Hmph." Lina kept her back to him, for the double purpose of watching for trouble and hiding her blush. _Dammit, if only he didn't make me feel this way…_

"Lina?"

"What?"

"There's a small pond right beyond that stand of trees, if you want to wash up before settling down for the night.

"Oh. Um… thanks." Lina shifted her body and glanced at Zelgadis's face. His attention was 100 on sharpening the knife. _It'll probably be freezing cold, but maybe it'll keep me awake for the first shift. _"I'll be back in a few minutes." Zelgadis didn't reply.

Lina crossed the small clearing and crept through the trees. Sure enough, a tiny pond glimmered at her. The surface was inky black, and without the moonlight shining down, there was no silver sheen.

Lina knelt on the bank and cupped her hands. The water was so bitterly cold she flinched and drew her hands out of the water. _It should be frozen solid if it's this cold._

That was another thing bothering Lina. Before they had entered the forest, the weather had been wonderful and sunny. In the forest, it seemed as though drizzly rain and clouds followed the traveling duo. Both during the day and night, it was disgustingly cold, as though it was winter. It wasn't.

A vicious wind picked up and died down almost as quickly. Lina's teeth chattered and she quickly dunked her hands into the water. She splashed the frigid water on her face, which was more than enough to jolt her senses. _Gotta get back to the fire…_

"…I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud…"

Lina paused. She was almost certain she had heard a voice singing. It was vaguely female, so it wasn't Zelgadis. Lina glanced around, saw nothing, and stood up slowly.

"…I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud…"

Again, it seemed to tease the redheaded sorceress. Lina spun around. Still, no one appeared.

"Zelgadis, if you're playing a trick on me, I swear I'm gonna kill you!" she yelled. No response. Then, liltingly, someone giggled. That definitely wasn't Zelgadis. "Who are you? Where the hell are you?"

"…I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud…"

Lina had just enough time to shriek, "ZELGADIS!" before soft but firm hands shoved her toward and into the pond.

Meanwhile… 

Zelgadis set his dagger and stone beside the fire. A bone-rattling cold wind swept the clearing. The fire, although built strong, wavered slightly. Zelgadis's head swiveled in the direction Lina had gone.

Was that singing he heard?

Lina didn't sing, did she?

"ZELGADIS!"

That was definitely Lina, and she sounded like she was in trouble.

Without hesitation, Zelgadis leapt to his feet and raced for the pond.

Meanwhile… 

The pond was deeper than it looked. Lina's foot did not touch bottom, as she expected. The cold water knocked the air out of Lina's lungs, and she involuntarily gasped, dragging water down her throat. She started choking, and that only resulted in more slimy water filling her lungs. Above her, below her, around her – all she could see was inky blackness.

_Zelgadis…_ she thought, fighting her way in the direction she thought was up. As the water around her lightened, due to the moon now glowing dully silver, Lina began to see black spots. _I can't… I can't reach…_

Pale white arms suddenly dove into the water and pushed Lina back further. The black spots grew more numerous, and there was virtually no oxygen left in her lungs.

"…I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud…"

The sing-song voice was back in her head, and it was the last thing Lina heard before the darkness consumed her.

The disturbance on the surface indicated where Lina was trying to break through, but the ripples receded with out releasing the sorceress. Zelgadis didn't pause at the water's edge; he simply jumped in.

The cold nearly knocked the air out of Zelgadis's lungs, too, but because of his chimeric form, the cold did not affect him as much as it did Lina. Eyes open slightly in the murky depths, Zelgadis searched for Lina.

Something brushed his arm. Zelgadis immediately grasped it and pulled it to him. Soft skin, hair like tendrils of seaweed - it had to be Lina. Zelgadis kicked his feet and swam for the surface, the limp figure held tight in his grip.

"…I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud…"

Zelgadis's head broke the surface of the water in time to hear the lilting voice singing. Gasping for air and from the cold, Zelgadis struggled to get to shore. It was difficult, trying to keep both his and Lina's heads above the water line.

"What do we have here? Two traveling lovers? Don't you know about the legend?" a rough male voice chuckled. Zelgadis couldn't spare any of the oxygen filling his lungs; he didn't reply.

"That was fun. I wanna do it again!" the female voice said. She giggled; the high, giddy laugh of the insane. "I'll be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud…"

"That's enough, Rebecca," the male voice barked. The female grumbled.

Zelgadis reached shore. He managed to pull Lina out of the frigid waters. Her face was deathly pale in the moonlight. No movement indicated her life status.

"Li-Lina?" Zelgadis whispered, fumbling for Lina's limp wrist. "Lina… wake up. Don't…" He felt the pulse, fluttering like a dying butterfly against his fingers. "Lina…"

"I thought she was dead!" the girl exclaimed. "No fair! She didn't die!" Zelgadis's head snapped up. Approaching him was a girl and a guy, probably about Zelgadis's age. They were unquestionably the spirits of the forest. They shimmered and faded with an internal light, but flickers of shadows belied the illusion. The girl smiled cruelly, although her face would normally have been projected as sweet and innocent. The guy's face was hard and unforgiving. His eyes flickered over Lina and Zelgadis. An unreadable look passed in his eyes.

"What the hell do you want from us?" Zelgadis demanded, his teeth clenched painfully. He couldn't use magic to revive Lina, and the only other way was CPR. Zelgadis would have gladly done that, but the fact that two ghosts were stalking him sort of changed his prerogative.

"What do you mean, what do we want from you? We simply want you to suffer like we've had to suffer," Rebecca snarled. Zelgadis stared at her.

"Why? Aren't you both together now? Why does it make a difference, in life or in death?"

Rebecca glanced at the man beside her.

"It was in our earthly bodies that we first came to love one another," he answered for her. Zelgadis cradled Lina's lifeless body in his arms, protecting her.

"Are you so wrapped up in your sick concept of justice that you can't see you're still together? What is tying you here? Why can't you leave?"

"It's not a matter of leaving! It's a matter of making things right!" Rebecca screamed. She threw herself into the man's arms. "Rudolphe and I should never have gone through what we did! We deserve to exact our revenge!"

"You already have, countless times before! Let us go! We'll be out of the forest by noon tomorrow!"

"It isn't fair!" Rebecca continued to scream. Ghostly tears trailed down her cheeks. "Why do other lovers get to share their time together? It isn't fair!"

"Life isn't fair!" Zelgadis growled. Rebecca stifled another shriek. Rudolphe released her and stepped toward Zelgadis. He raised his hand, and a ball of pure white energy gathered in his open palm.

"We shall see about that."

"NO!!" Zelgadis laid Lina back on the ground and jumped in front of her. His hands, accustomed to drawing a sword, immediately went to his waist. His fingers met empty air. _Damn! I wasn't thinking!_ Zelgadis had left his weaponry back by the campfire side. His only other choice was to attack Rudolphe with fists and feet, but that meant leaving Lina open, possibly to an attack by Rebecca. That was not a valid option.

The chimera closed his eyes and prepared for the worse.

_"You who are not of this world. Pitiful, twisted creatures. By the Light of Purity I possess, I bid thee be gone to the nexus of our two worlds! Megido Flare!"_ a voice unlike any voice Zelgadis had every heard called out. The chimera's eyes flew open. The spell in Rudolphe's hand dissipated. Rudolphe turned to stare at the owner of the new voice, and Rebecca clung to Rudolphe's arm.

A figure in shining white – wholly pure, unlike the ghosts – floated calmly over the pond. Hair like spun gold floated about Its head, and honey-brown eyes gazed at the scene below from a porcelain face.

"Rudolphe…" Rebecca whispered. She stared at their clasped hands. Ever so slowly, then picking up speed, their image broke up and disappeared like water on oil. Their feet, legs, and waist were gone. The faced each other, and a calm emotion settled over their features. "I feel funny, Rudolphe…"

"So do I, but I think…" Rudolphe started, then glanced at the Holy Being. "I think we've been saved."

The couple embraced, and the last of soul disappeared. Zelgadis, once again cradling Lina's body, stared at the Holy Being.

"Who are you? How could you use magic? I thought there was a barrier… What are you doing here?" his words tumbled out before he could stop himself.

The Being floated down to him, and slippered feet touched the sandy shore. A woman's face shone radiantly as she smiled and knelt beside them.

"Barriers do not restrict my kind," she said. She touched Lina's forehead with the tip of her index finger. "And I am here because She sent me. It was time for those two to leave this mortal realm. They had outstayed their welcome."

"She?"

"The mother of all, the darkness beyond blackest pitch, the one who shines like gold upon the Sea of Chaos- "

"… the Lord of Nightmares," Zelgadis breathed. He stared at the sweet face, and shook his head. "Why? Who are you? WHAT are you?"

"Why is not important. Who and what I am is also not important, but if you must call me something, I am Artemise." The Holy Being whispered a short spell under her breath, then withdrew her fingers. She gave Zelgadis a kind smile. "Young man, your lady friend will awaken soon. I will be gone by then. You may tell her what happened, or perhaps you would like to think of something else."

"How close was she… to… to-"

"To death?" Zelgadis nodded. Artemise stood up. "Very close. I doubt she will be happy to hear she almost died by drowning, and not by fighting a Mazoku lord or the like."

"True."

"Goodbye, Zelgadis Graywords." With that, she simply disappeared. Zelgadis blinked once; twice, three times, and she was still gone. _How did she know my name? …_

Lina began coughing. Her back arched and her lungs heaved, and the water was expelled from her body. Zelgadis held her gently and stroked her forehead.

"You'll be okay, Lina. You'll be okay."

"What the hell cough cough are you cough talking about?!" Lina sputtered. She rolled over onto her side and pounded her fist into the ground as she continued to cough.

"I'm talking about how you nearly died!"

"I re-remember the voice… cough The singing. Then falling cough into the pond. So cold, so cold… I couldn't cough cough breath. Something… holding me down…"

"Shh, shh, don't speak. You need to breathe normally before you can talk," Zelgadis said. He continued to stroke her clammy face and push wet strands of hair away from her cheek.

"Zelgadis, what the hell happened?!" she hissed. Zelgadis scooped up the trembling sorceress into his arms and started walking back toward the campfire. _Should I tell her? What should I say? Does she really need to know??_

"It was your imagination," he lamely replied. Lina, although weak, punched his arm.

"No it wasn't, you rock head! L-sama, you can be so lame sometimes…" she exclaimed she coughed and grasped his wet shirt. "Well, I'll ask you tomorrow, and you better give me a damn good answer. But for now, I'm tired, and I wanna go to sleep."

"Good idea."

Neither of them seemed to notice how close they were. Not once had Lina complained while Zelgadis stroked her cheek, or when he picked her up. She even clung to him, and didn't even ask why his shirt was also wet. Zelgadis, since hearing Lina's cry for help, has pushed all lustful thoughts from his mind. Here he was, carrying the woman of his dreams, and all he could think of was getting her to the warm fireside.

Zelgadis insisted he take the first and only watch. Lina needed to rest, and for once, Lina agreed. She snuggled into her bedroll, said goodnight, and closed her eyes.

Zelgadis watched her face. Something was nagging in the back of his mind. What was it?

Something about saving Lina… pulling her from the water… how do you save a drowned victim?

Oh. Of course….

"AW, DAMMIT!! MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION!! I HAD THE CHANCE AND BLEW IT! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!!"

"Zelgadis…"

"… Yes?"

"SHUT UP!!"

KAPOW!

The boot left an imprint on Zelgadis's face.


	3. Crazy for this Girl - Act 3

**Crazy for this Girl: Chapter 3**

"Mew."

Lina's eyes flickered open at the soft and timid noise. She was currently sprawled on her back in the grass, having felt the need for a nap about an hour ago. She sat up and started working the kinks out of her neck while searching the area.

"Zel, did you hear a mewling sound?" Lina asked as she arched her back and heard a few bones crack. Not trusting the chimera near her while she slept, Lina had banished Zelgadis to the top of the hill, where he had made himself comfortable at the base of a very large oak tree.

When a deep-throated laugh was her only response, Lina stood up and turned around. Zelgadis was propped against the tree trunk. His face was nearly radiating from the smile that graced his lips. A tiny black kitten, hardly bigger than a fur ball, sat in his lap and batted at the strings keeping Zel's cloak together. It mewled again and did a sort of back flip, which earned it another laugh from Zelgadis.

"Where did the kitten come from?" Lina asked as she made her way up the hill.

"He came crawling out of the weeds right after you fell asleep. I don't know where his home is. Maybe the next town, though I don't know what he's doing all the way out here," Zelgadis replied. He held his hand above the kitten's face, and the kitten batted at it.

Lina sat down next to Zelgadis and held her hand out to the kitten. It backed away, fur raised and back arched. It hissed at Lina, who turned red from anger.

"What, I'm not good enough to pet you? Stupid cat," she huffed.

"He didn't like me at first, either. Just be patient," Zel replied, his voice soothing. Lina wasn't sure if the soothing was meant for her or the cat. Lina scowled and slowly put her hand back out. The kitten sniffed it, then lashed out with tiny claws. Surprised and enraged, Lina snatched her hand back.

"Aaah! It scratched me! It flippin' attacked me!!" she yelled. "FIRE-"

"No, Lina! Don't!" Zelgadis yelled back. He snatched Lina's hands and stared into her eyes. The fur ball, unaware of his impending doom, crawled over the tree and began sharpening his claws. "He's just a kitten. He didn't know what he was doing."

"Well… well… AHH! Let go, that hurts!" Lina replied. Instead of letting go, Zelgadis turned Lina's hands over and examined the cat scratches. They were small and not very deep, but anyone who's ever been scratched by a kitten knows it hurts like Hell, regardless.

"You'll be okay," Zelgadis said. Lina scowled at him.

"How do you know? Maybe the cat has some kind of disease, or maybe they're getting infected, or maybe they're deeper than you think, or maybe it's really a Mazoku, or-" she rambled.

"You're over-reacting."

"Am not!"

"Here, maybe this'll help." Before Lina could react, Zelgadis lifted the delicate hand to his mouth and gently pressed his lips against the wound in a very chaste kiss. However, Lina being the flustered teen that she was, took one look at Zel's bowed head and started freaking out again.

"No, no, no, don't do that!" She pulled her hand away and stood up, too quickly, and felt disoriented. "Don't touch me! You're acting weird again. We gotta find a way to fix you; you're making me nervous. Don't touch me! That hurt! It's still bleeding! Aaah, Zel, you have blood on your lips now! That's gross! Don't do that again!" The sorceress continued to ramble as she stumbled back a few steps. Zelgadis simply smiled up at her, his face unreadable. Lina's words tumbled to a halt. She glared down at the placid chimera, and Lina abruptly spun around. "Well, come on, let's get to the next town."

"And the kitten…?" Zelgadis left his sentence unfinished as he gathered the aforementioned fur ball into his arms.

"… Is not coming with us," Lina stated. She crossed her arms and refused to turn around. "Leave it, it can find it's own way home."

"I can't do that, Lina. It's just so cute. Though not nearly as cute as you," Zelgadis replied. A delicate blush crept over the bridge of Lina's nose.

"But I don't want that thing attacking me again. And besides, it's black. Don't you know anything about black cats?" Lina stammered. She heard Zelgadis walk towards her, and she stared at his back as he continued to walk ahead of her.

"Yes. Supposedly, they bring bad luck to anyone whose path they cross. But that's just old wives' tales. It's never been proven that the source of bad luck is the cat," Zelgadis replied. He turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder at Lina. "And besides, maybe there's a reward for a missing cat."

Lina stared at the familiar chimera face, at the riveting sapphire eyes; at the way the sun cast shadows that emphasized his facial features. She felt her resolve slipping. And besides, he was right. Rewards meant money, didn't they?

"Damn you," she muttered and joined him on the path leading to the city.

"I knew you'd see it my way," Zelgadis replied and casually laid his arm across Lina's shoulders.

The kitten jumped out of the chimera's arms with impeccable timing. He sat on the grass, licked his paw, and watched the chaos ensue.

"We need a name for him," Zelgadis suddenly said. In one hand, he raised the kitten up so they were face-to-face. "What do you think, Lina?" His black eye glanced in Lina's direction, with crispy-fried hair framing it. It most definitely was Lina's handiwork.

"It might already have a name."

"True, but we can't just call it 'kitten' for now."

"Then call him 'baka neko'. It works for me."

"Lina, that's cruel."

"I never said I was nice."

"Then what's with the whole "sweet, innocent me" gag you pull every time you get in trouble?"

"…"

"I'm thinking 'Kurayami'. It fits, don't you think?"

"I think I don't care." Lina crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. She had no idea why she was acting so bitchy, but she couldn't help it. It was like something inside her forced her to act rude and hostile. Almost like…

"I think it's that time of the month for you," Zelgadis said, matter-of-factly. The kitten jumped out of his arms just in time. Although momentarily magic-less, Lina could still pack a fairly good punch.

By the time they reached the town, Zelgadis looked like the poster-boy for Sado-Masochism 'R' Us, Xelloss notwithstanding. His smile was brilliant underneath all the bruises and two black eyes. Lina's face had that dangerous twitch that let most people know to back off. 'I could cast a Fireball nearly half an hour ago, and now, nothing! I hate how IT creeps up so quickly like that,' Lina thought.

"So, are we gonna look for a place to stay first, or find the owner of the kitten?" Zelgadis asked. He pointed down the street to a large sign saying "DOUBLE TREE INN". "We could see if they have any rooms left."

"Yeah, sure. I just want a long soak in their hot springs. I heard the Double Tree Inn has a special relaxing spring, something about it being based on holy land. Something like that," Lina said. They headed for the inn.

As Lina and Zelgadis walked into the reception area of the inn, Kurayami hanging precariously from Zel's shoulder, a thought occurred to Lina. She quickly flipped Zelgadis's cloak over his shoulder, which more than obscured the kitten from view.

"What'd you do that for?" Zelgadis asked, turning to Lina, as Kurayami mewled in protest.

"The Double Tree Inn doesn't allow pets here. If you insist on keeping him with us, we need to make sure he stays out of sight," Lina hissed in return. "And try to keep him quiet. Go outside or something while I get the room keys."

"You just wanted to see under the cape, didn't you?" Zelgadis replied, a sly grin on his face. A blush sprawled across Lina's nose and cheeks.

"Shut up! I did not!" she retorted. Zelgadis continued to grin as he removed the cat from his shoulder, tucked him into Lina's arms, and started walking towards the front desk, cloak still over his shoulder.

"You watch Kurayami. I'll get the key," he said. Lina, grotesquely distracted by view of Zelgadis's derriere, had no time to argue. When she finally lifted her beet-red face to protest, she caught the looks of several maids and servants. They all stared at the mewling ball of fluff in her arms. Lina quickly darted back out the door and found a nearby bench to sit on.

"That jerk! The nerve! Oooh, he's so frustrating sometimes…" Lina grumbled. The cat in her arms hissed, and Lina glared down at it. "Don't you start with me. It's all your fault, you know." Kurayami mewed and jumped off of Lina's lap to roam the area.

A few minutes later, Zelgadis strolled out of the inn and stood in front of the fuming sorceress. Arms crossed over her chest, Lina glared up at the smiling chimera.

"I assume you did what I asked. Why are you smiling at me like that?" she demanded.

"Oh, no reason, really. I was just thinking how cute you are when you pout," Zelgadis replied. He sidestepped and narrowly missed getting clobbered by Lina's fist.

"I can't take this anymore!" Lina yelped. She stood up and forced Zelgadis to look her directly in the eyes. "You're going to take me to the rooms right now, no funny business. I'm gonna take a soak in the springs; you can do whatever the hell you want. But for L-sama's sake, quit with the endearments!"

"Yes ma'am," Zelgadis replied, his smile dimmer but still there nonetheless. He scooped up Kurayami, who had meandered over, and reentered the inn.

It wasn't until they had entered the long hallway leading to their rooms that Lina became aware of the fact that Zelgadis was still smiling in that self-satisfied, slightly deranged sort of way. Lina grabbed Zel's arm and whirled him around to face her.

"Why are you smiling like that? It's incredibly annoying!" she yelled. Zelgadis attempted to frown but the corners of his lips kept turning up.

"I'm sorry, my dear, but I just can't help it," he replied. Lina's facial expression told him he better move his sorry (albeit very cute) butt unless he wanted to get thrown into a wall. They continued walking. Lina knew better than to let it go. There just had to be a reason Zel was acting like an idiot. There just had to be…

"Here we are! Ladies first," Zelgadis announced, motioning Lina through a doorway. Lina glanced at it, then back at Zel. The disconcerting smile was still there.

"Where's your room?" she asked.

"Here."

"… So where's my room?"

"Here."

"…" At this point, Lina's temple was beginning to throb. Her brain had already figured out the situation. She counted to ten, and instead of blowing up, she smiled wickedly at Zelgadis. Finally, the chimera's smile faltered. In all actuality, it downright shattered.

"Yes, ladies first, of course," Lina said. She took a few steps into the room. Before Zel could even move or figure out why Lina was smiling, Lina slammed the door on his face. "And ladies only. Don't forget, ladies only."

"But Liiiinaaa!! You have to let me in!" Zelgadis cried.

"I most certainly do not! I'm a lady, therefore I get the room. And we are NOT sharing a room!" Lina's voice was slight muffled. Zelgadis clawed at the door and made pitiful whimpering sounds. "L-sama… that better be Kurayami. If it's not, Zelgadis, I have lost all respect for you."

"Lina, be reasonable. I can't spend the night out here. Neither can Kurayami. Don't you care at all about Kurayami?" Zelgadis chose to ignore the muffled "no" he heard in response. "Just open the door so we can talk this through." There was a long pause, and finally Lina opened the door a crack.

"Why didn't you get two rooms?" Lina demanded, afraid of the answer.

"The inn is packed. There aren't any more rooms left. I couldn't have gotten another one if I'd wanted to," Zel replied.

"… Damn," Lina cursed, softly and with feeling. She flung open the door and stepped back to let her traveling companion and the cat through. "Don't even think of trying any funny business, got that? I may not be able to cast a fireball, but I'm a pretty good shot with anything heavy and dangerous."

"Go to the hot springs, Lina. You need to relax," Zelgadis said in response. Lina simply glared at him and began to leave the room.

"Good idea. I'll be back later," she called over her shoulder.

Shortly after, Lina was settled comfortably into one of the springs. Her head and neck were cradled in her arms as she leaned against the rock wall. The water soothed her aching body, and the steam cleared her mind and helped her think more clearly. _I feel kind of bad for being so cruel to Zel… but honestly! He's just so devious sometimes; I never know what to expect. I miss how he used to be… I mean I miss his tactfulness. Now he's just… wild. Unpredictable. And waaaaay too amorous. _

Lina felt something soft brush against her cheek. She opened her eyes, pulled her right arm back into the water, and turned to her right. Kurayami sat cutely on the edge and meowed at her. His golden eyes glimmered. Lina blinked a few times and then held out her right hand. Kurayami licked the tips of Lina's fingers.

"How'd you get out here, silly?" Lina asked. While the kitten was busy licking Lina's fingers, Lina used her other hand to pet him. A soft purr escaped from the fur ball, and Lina chuckled. "I guess you're not as bad as I thought you were. Maybe Zelgadis was right. About a lot of things. Do you like him, Kurayami? You seem awfully fond of him. You two are really cute together. Wait. Did I just say that? Am I really talking to you? L-sama, I'm talking to a cat. Lina, get a hold of yourself! And now you're talking to yourself…"

Lina was too busy scolding herself to hear the bushes rustling near her. Unknown to her, the bush began… moving. Yes, that's right, moving. Closer to the hot spring. Every few seconds it would lift up and scuttle closer. By all means, a bush shouldn't be able to do that. However, this was no ordinary shrubbery. After all, since when did shrubs have eyes peering out of them?

Kurayami mewled in protest as Lina picked him up and held him out over the water. She laughed and put him on top of her head. "Didn't like that too much, did you, Kurayami?" The kitten gave a loud meow and settled down. Lina relaxed again, careful not to upend the fur ball into the springs.

A hand snaked out of the bush. Fingers convulsed and crept closer to the bare skin of Lina's neck. They hesitated. Kurayami, whose attention was now directed at the hand, instantly dug his claws into Lina's scalp and yowled. He jumped off of Lina's head just in time.

"OW! Stupid cat!" Lina shrieked as she spun around, hands up to catch the offending feline. The sight of the bush with blue eyes stopped her.

Lina blinked.

The bush blinked.

Lina screamed.

The bush ran.

It was fortunate for Zelgadis that Lina currently had no magical powers. It was fortunate for Lina that Zelgadis hadn't seen anything more than bare shoulders. It was fortunate for both of them that the inn owners hadn't discovered it was them who violated the hot springs rules.

"If you ever do that again, and I mean EVER, Zelgadis Graywords," Lina ranted. "I will gouge out both your eyes! I'll cut off your hands, too! Hell, I'll even-"

"I promise I'll never do it again, Lina" Zelgadis gurgled through swollen lips, a swollen tongue, and lots of ice. The tone of his voice was sincere, but there was a sparkle of good humor still in his eyes.

"Good," Lina snapped. She rubbed her sore hand where bruises were already forming. She had gotten a few punches in before she discovered some heavy and blunt objects to use. "You've proven to me that I can't trust you while you're in this condition. I'm asking you to leave. Spend the night in the hall. I don't care what other people think. I can't have you in here while I sleep."

"Please, Lina, after what you put me through? I couldn't touch you if I wanted to. I think you broke all ten of my fingers," Zelgadis argued. He lay on his back on the bed. "And I really, really don't want to sleep on the floor, but I'll do anything for you, and if it would make you feel more comfortable, I will."

Lina warily sat down next to the near-comatose chimera and looked down into his beaten face. She almost wanted to cry; she didn't realize how bad she had hurt him. One would think that with stone skin and all, Zelgadis would be more difficult to hurt. However, cannonball-sized things and bigger tend to cause damage no matter what they hit… Sapphire eyes watched Lina as she gently touched his cheek. Zelgadis didn't flinch, but Lina knew it still hurt a lot.

She wanted to say, "I'm sorry", but instead she said, "No, you can sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Lina…" Zelgadis started, but Lina shook her head vehemently.

"I mean it. I'll be okay. Really," she replied.

"We can both sleep on the bed. I swear by L-sama that I will not touch you in any way you don't want to be touched."

Lina wasn't too terribly sure about the way Zel phrased that, but she nodded her head before she could stop herself. "By L-sama."

Zelgadis smiled, but with swollen lips it looked more like a grimace. "By L-sama."

Later that night, Lina wondered how exactly she had gotten into this predicament. Zelgadis was sleeping not so peacefully beside her, and she was wide-awake. The chimera moaned quietly in his sleep, but it was loud enough to bother Lina. Finally she none-too-gently smashed her pillow over Zelgadis's face. The pain of that contact woke Zel.

"Are you trying to kill me by suffocation now?" Zelgadis mumbled, his voice gravelly from sleep, no pun intended. "That hurt, you know."

"If you're in such pain, why don't you cast a healing spell on yourself?" Lina replied.

"Don't you think if I could, I would?" came the answer. Lina shrugged and rolled over onto her side, pulling the blankets with her. "Hey, quit hogging the sheets."

"Can't do anything right, can I?"

"Lina…" Zelgadis's sigh was exasperated. He reached out to touch Lina's shoulder but pulled back at the last second. If he overstepped his bounds again, he'd be toast. In more ways than one. Instead he settled for talking. "Never mind. Forget the sheets. You can have them, I'll be fine without them." Zelgadis rolled over, leaving his back facing Lina.

There was a very long pause before Lina spoke again. "Zel?"

"… What?" The word was mumbled and already heavy with sleep.

"I'm… sorry."

"… Okay, Lina…"

Silence filled the room. Lina closed her eyes and began counting sheep.

_Mmm… It's so warm and cozy… _Lina thought, her mind muddled with sleep. It was the next morning, and the sun streaming through the window was playing across her face. _I could stay like this forever… Huh?_ Lina cracked her eyes open. Her left arm was flung over Zelgadis and she was cuddled up next to him, nearly molded against him. Zelgadis was still asleep. The warmth Lina had felt was not just the sun; it was the heat being radiated from Zelgadis's stone body.

"Iiiyaaa!" Lina yelped and scrambled away. She fell off the bed and kept backing up. Zelgadis, still asleep, rolled over and mumbled something incoherent. Lina's heart was racing. _What the hell was I doing?! No way I was doing that! No freaking way! L-sama, thank goodness Zel wasn't awake… Now who's the one acting weird?! Get a grip, Lina!_

Kurayami, who had been up most the night prowling the room, lay stretched out in a beam of sunlight. He opened his eyes to slits and glared at Lina for disturbing his sunbathing. Lina scowled at him, stood up, and grabbed her clothes. _Might as well go get changed and get breakfast._ As soon as the word "breakfast" entered her mind, Lina was out the door.

Much later, after Lina finished breakfast and the sore chimera in her room finally came down and had a cup of coffee, the two traveling companions planned out the rest of their day. After packing up their stuff, they would take Kurayami to the local animal shelter and see if anyone had lost a pet recently. If that failed to work, they'd ask around town.

At the animal shelter, the girl they first spoke to had no idea about anything.

"Um… let me get my boss…" she said, and went into a back room. Shortly after, a stout old man came out and smiled warmly at Lina and Zelgadis.

"So, you've found someone's lost pet, have you? Well well well, let me see the little dear," he said. Zelgadis deposited the fur ball on the countertop. Kurayami looked at the man and meowed.

The reaction was so violent and swift Lina and Zel barely had time to react. Zelgadis swept Kurayami into his arms just as a broom smacked onto the counter, handled by the old man.

"You brought that cursed thing back into this town?! Damn you! Curse you! Get that filthy thing out of here before you plague this town any more!" the man shrieked. He raised the broom again. "Get out of town!!"

"What the hell is your problem?!" Lina demanded. She rolled up her sleeves and stalked towards the man. "You have no right to treat us like that, you old geezer! Why I oughta-"

"You don't understand! Now get out! OUT!"

"Lina, let's go," Zelgadis said hastily. With his free hand he snagged Lina's upraised arm and dragged her out the door. The man followed them, and when he reached the door, he started clanging the bell next to the door.

"The plague is back! The curse is loose again! Beware!" the man bellowed. People turned to stare, and when they caught sight of the black, meowing kitten in Zelgadis's arms, they began running and shrieking.

"What the hell is going on?" Lina muttered.

"I don't know, but Lina… Run."

"What?"

"RUN!" Zelgadis shoved Lina ahead of him and began running. One peek over her shoulder and Lina saw a horde of angry people charging at them. Needless to say, she ran.

The mass of anger chased the trio through street after street until finally they reached the outer edge of town. Unable to even guess what was going on, Lina simply did her best to stay alive. However, it bothered Lina greatly to not know what the problem was. It bothered her enough that on the outskirts of town, she whirled around and faced the angry mob.

"We demand to know why the hell you're running us out of town!! What did we do to you?!" she yelled. The mob, having gotten the strangers out of their town, started to disperse.

"You brought that… thing… back to us!" a middle-aged man replied. "That cat, it brings bad luck! We had gotten rid of it for a reason, and you brought that cursed thing back!"

"That's just old wives tales!" Lina yelled, vaguely realizing she was saying what Zel had told her when they first found Kurayami.

"Oh no it's not! You weren't here for the fire, the flood, or the earthquake, were you, little girl?! Or the plague, the disease epidemic, or the marauders!! Surely you've noticed the bad luck you've had! Now go away, and don't bring that thing here again!" With that, the man walked away.

Lina contemplated the man's words. _Well… now that he mentioned it… There was the fact that "that time of the month" came awfully sudden and without warning… and there was only one room to have for the night…and Zelgadis getting hurt so bad when he should've been okay…and a whole bunch of other things… Damn!_

"You're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?" Zelgadis asked. He clutched Kurayami protectively to his chest.

"Yes, I am. I think. We can't let that cat travel with us any more! It would explain a lot of the crap we've been going through since we met him. Unless you want to end up dead, we need to let him go," Lina explained.

"Lina, he's just a baby! We can't let him wander the world by himself! You like him, anyway. Admit it. I can tell. You stopped calling him an 'it'. Please, Lina," Zelgadis pleaded. Lina was very tempted to say yes just because she'd never seen Zel give her that kind of pouting/pleading-child face before. And unfortunately, Zel was right. She had grown kind of attached to Kurayami.

"But I could be stuck with "that time of the month" for the rest of my life or something equally inane!" Lina argued. The pleading-child-look did not go away. Lina felt her resolve crumbling yet again. "Fine. FINE! As long as you take full responsibility for him, he can come with us."

"Thank you, _ma cherie_," Zelgadis said, bending down to give a light kiss on Lina's cheek. Stunned, Lina simply watched as Zelgadis began walking away from the town and began the journey to the next.

"Hey… HEY! Wait up, you jerk!" Lina yelled. She ran to catch up.

Meanwhile, Xelloss watched the traveling trio with great interest. He rolled the bottle of Love-in-Idleness in his hands and smiled.

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find, catch me a catch…" 


	4. Crazy for this Girl Act um WTF?

Um... yeah. So the chapter got kind of... wonk-ified? Like, was split? And then I fixed it. And now I've got this random extra "chapter" space that I don't want to delete because it would mean deleting the reviews...

So... use this break to use the restroom. Get a cup of coffee. Make yourself dinner. Or... um...

Do a little dance?

-does a little dance nervously-


	5. Crazy for this Girl - Act 4

**Title:** Crazy for this Girl

**Author:** Yugure

**Genre: **Romance

**Bias:** Lina/Zel - Zel/Lina

Rating: PG-13 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Slayers or the characters appearing here. I do own Vinn, although he doesn't believe me when I try to tell him that.

**Author Notes:** I know I take a lot of liberties with this chapter; namely, with the city of Zephilia and Lina's family. I never thought I'd ever actually write a past for Lina. I was trying not to, because it's been done so many times. Unfortunately, this chapter wrote itself and implanted the ideas without my help. Damn fanfic.

* * *

**Crazy for this Girl - Act 4**

Zephilia. A prosperous city-state, rich with the sale of the finest wines found anywhere on the planet. The cobblestone streets were swamped with creatures from all walks of life. Grand, ornate shops lined the streets. The marketplace was in constant hustle and bustle. Zephilia was the kind of place you'd want your children to grow up in, the kind of place they'd love coming back to again and again.

Lina, however, was literally shaking in her boots.

The quiet tremors began when the traveling trio of human, chimera, and cat first approached the vineyards outside the city. When Lina caught sight of the towering trellises and their plentiful burden, she immediately slowed her pace, almost to a standstill. Zelgadis had to nearly drag her off her feet to get her to move forward. As his hand clamped down on Lina's wrist, Zelgadis felt a small shudder travel through the pale arm beneath his.

"Are you cold?" Zelgadis asked, eyeing Lina steadily. Lina shook her head.

"No."

"Are you scared?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Then let's go." The trio forged ahead, Lina beginning to whimper pitifully.

Vinn heard the wailing and screeching before he saw the familiar redheaded person it belonged to. Dropping his mortar and pestle onto the floor (which elicited angry cusses from Vinn's father), Vinn raced out of the herbal shop and darted through the crowd, hoping to catch up with the quickly moving girl.

"Lina!"

Together Zelgadis and Lina turned around. A tall, good-looking young man bounded toward them, covered in soot and wearing a brilliant smile on his face. His shoulder length hair was tied back with black thread into a short ponytail. Eyes like dark emeralds peered out from beneath loose strands of silky hair.

Zelgadis bristled. Red began to color his vision as the man wrapped Lina in his arms and lifted her off the ground.

"Lina, I can't believe it's really you! It's been so long since you've been here last!" The smile on Lina's face was enough to send Zelgadis's heart plummeting into the ground.

"I know. I've been a very busy girl. How's your mom and dad, Vinn?" Lina stepped back, seemingly unaware of Zelgadis and the thundercloud hanging over his head.

"They're fine. They had a little girl since you've been gone. Her name is Sarah."

"What's she like?"

"A complete wild child. Constantly getting into trouble. Kinda like you." Vinn grinned. Lina punched him lightly, laughing as she did so.

"How do you know I'm still like that? Maybe I've straightened up since I saw you last."

"Yeah right. Don't think I haven't heard the stories about Lina Inverse, the Bandit Killer, the Dra-matta, the-"

"Okay, okay, enough already. I get your point."

Zelgadis cleared his throat. Vinn and Lina both looked at him. Lina was somewhat oblivious to the thundercloud hanging about Zel's head.

"Who's he?" both young men demanded at the same time.

"Uh… Vinn, this is Zelgadis. I've been traveling with him for the past few years. Zelgadis, this is Vinn. I've known him since I was a baby," Lina introduced her friends. She swiped her finger down Vinn's cheek, leaving a clean white line in its wake. "What have you been up to, and why are you covered in soot?"

"One of Father's herbal remedies backfired, quite literally. I just happened to be holding it when it happened," Vinn explained. He turned his attention back to Zelgadis, who merely glared in response. "So, Zelgadis, is it? What brings you and Lina to Zephilia? I don't suppose it's to meet her parents, eh?"

"No, of course not," Zelgadis congenially replied. Lina did not like the look on his face. "However, that can always-"

"Man, am I starving!" Lina chortled, interrupting her chimera friend with a sharp jab in his ribs. "Let's go to Auntie's. She's still in business, isn't she?" Without waiting for an answer, she began dragging Zelgadis through the streets.

"Hey, tell Auntie that Lina's here," Lina informed the waitress as she leaned back in her chair.

"Yes'm," the waitress murmured. Shortly thereafter, a small but lively old lady bounced into the room with an astonished look on her face.

"Lina Inverse? Back here in Zephilia? Oh my heavens! Dear child, you've grown so much!" she exclaimed, wrapping the equally short Lina in an herbal-scented embrace. Lina blushed and shook her head.

"No, I haven't grown that much," she muttered.

"Nonsense! You're such a beautiful young lady now. I bet you have to beat the guys away with a stick!"

"Not quite," Lina mumbled even lower, her face burning. She cast a quick look at her friends. Zelgadis was staring at the old woman as though she had seven heads, and Vinn was staring at… well, at her. Lina. And there was something in his eyes that caused Lina to look away.

"Who is this charming young man? How do you know my Lina?" Auntie gushed, taking Zelgadis's hands into her own. "Oh my, look at this. You have such an interesting affliction."

"Auntie!" Lina cried, horrified at the other woman's bluntness. Zelgadis first turned pale, then red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Auntie, oblivious, continued to pet and paw at Zelgadis.

"I met Lina on her travels. My name is Zelgadis," Zelgadis choked out with great restraint. Always a sore subject, Zelgadis's "affliction" seemed to draw more attention than needed.

"We're here looking for a cure – " Lina began, but Auntie interrupted.

"Oh, my dear, there's no cure for this here in Zephilia." Auntie clucked her tongue and went over to Vinn to straighten his tunic and brush off a few stray threads.

"Not that. Um…" Lina fiddled with the ends of her hair. "He was cursed with something else. We're hoping that Vinn's father or mother can help him."

"Lina, who is this?" Zelgadis hissed under his breath. He jabbed a finger at Auntie.

"She's been a friend of the family for as long as I can remember. She helped raise me," Lina whispered back. "But she's not really my aunt." She caught Vinn's gaze yet again over Auntie's bowed and wrinkled head. Zelgadis instinctively put his arm around Lina's shoulders, having a fierce reaction to the way Vinn was looking at the petite sorceress.

"My, what a cute couple you two make. Are you married yet? Any children? Oh my goodness, Lina Inverse with children! The world would never survive!" Auntie chuckled to herself as she personally served the table.

"Auntie!" Lina exclaimed, again embarrassed at the bluntness. She shrugged off Zelgadis's arm and scooted away from him. "No, we're not married and no, we don't have any kids. L-sama, I can barely take care of my other friends, let alone children. Kids hate me."

Vinn watched the exchange between Auntie and Lina with mild irritation. This Zelgadis person was, in Vinn's humble opinion, a cloud to Lina's sunshine; a blemish to her perfection. It did not please Vinn to hear Auntie go on and on about how the two of them looked so cute together. As Lina gave Auntie their hefty order (which did not surprise Auntie in the least), Vinn and Zelgadis had a staring contest, broken only when Lina whacked Zel in the head with her menu.

_Zelgadis, you fool. How pathetic you are. I pity you. You are not worthy of Lina's affection,_ Vinn thought bitterly. _She will never bear your children, if I have anything to do with it._

Outside the tavern door, Kurayami mewled in protest and scratched at the wood. Having been forgotten and left outside to fend for himself, the kitten yowled loudly and stalked off into a nearby alley, presumably to hunt rats.

"Why, Lina, it's so good to see you again!" The ruggedly handsome father of Vinn wrapped Lina into a giant bear hug. He held her out at arms length and took in her appearances. "What brings you back to Zephilia? Finally ready to settle down? You know, we've been looking for a suitable bride for Vinn - "

"Actually, I'm here to help a friend. You and Misha are the only people I know who might be able to help us," Lina interrupted, feeling her face burn again. What was it with these people and their interest in her love life?! "So, M'kael, are you up to a challenge?"

"I hope it's not curing your chimera friend, because that takes a lot more magick than we can deal with," M'kael stated. He shook his head in sympathy at Zelgadis, who glared at him from beneath the cowl of his cloak. After the incident at the tavern with Auntie, Zelgadis thought it best to hide in the comforting shadows of his cloak. Unfortunately, M'kael had already seen the stony hands.

The shop was nearly empty. Only an elderly couple rummaged through the shelves of remedies and medicinal herbs. From the back of the room came a loud clang, followed by a feminine voice screaming some not-so-feminine things.

"Mother?" Vinn called out, leaving Lina and Zelgadis with his father. "If you're trying to move the cauldron, I told you I'd come help you do it later…" His voice trailed off with distance.

"No, it's not that… Look, can we go someplace else to discuss this?" Lina asked.

"Sure thing, Lina. Say, you haven't been by your home yet, have you?"

Lina dreaded hearing this exact thing. She would say no, and M'kael would insist that she stop by and tell her parents hello. It's only common courtesy, M'kael would claim. However, the devil himself couldn't get Lina anywhere near her former home. It was by sheer luck that Lina hadn't been spotted by any of the manor servants, or even Mother or Father themselves. Or… Lina gulped and shook her head, clearing her mind of the thought of Luna but inadvertently giving M'kael the answer he needed.

"You should at least go and say hello. I presume you'll be staying there for the time you're here?"

"No! I mean… no, I'd rather not. I just want to cure Zelgadis and get out of here. I've got friends to meet up with, and I'd hate to waste time on frivolities."

"Your family isn't a frivolity, Lina," M'kael said sternly. Lina cringed under the judging look in M'kael's face.

"Maybe tomorrow."

"Maybe tonight. Like, now, Lina. I won't help you until you visit your parents."

"Dammit, M'kael, why not?"

"Such language from a young lady. So unnatural…"

"Go to hell." Lina stalked out of the shop, Zelgadis at her heels. She knew very well that M'kael would be true to his word. M'kael was good friends with Lina's father, and would most likely let him know that his youngest daughter was back in town. After that… well, as they say, you can run but you cannot hide. The hounds of hell would be on her trail faster than she could say "Fireball!"

"You certainly were rude to Vinn's father," Zelgadis commented quietly. He scooped up Kurayami, who ran head first into Zelgadis's feet with an obscenely large rat hot on his trail.

"He deserved it. I've known M'kael all my life. We would never have gotten out of this city alive if we didn't stop by… home… and my father caught wind of it."

"Alive?"

"Well, he wouldn't kill us, so to speak… Argh, if Luna's home I'm in more trouble than I thought. Just kill me now, Zel. Please. Death can't be any worse than going back there."

"Surely it's not that bad…" Zelgadis trailed off at the dirty look Lina was giving him. She stomped away without any further explanation.

The house loomed large and sinister, causing Lina to swallow hard and take a step back. To anyone else, the house looked friendly and warm, with lights in all the windows and servants happily going about their jobs. However, Lina knew what awaited her across the threshold.

"Don't worry Lina, I'm right here with you," Zelgadis said, gently grasping Lina's arm and steering her back. Lina was grateful for the support and didn't pay the slightest attention as the hand on her arm moved to the small of her back. With a small push, Zelgadis sent Lina stumbling forward on the path to the front door.

Lina sent up a prayer and continued of her own free, albeit forced, will.

"Is that Mistress Lina?" a servant woman asked another as they crossed Lina's path and stared at her. The other woman dropped her basket of laundry and gaped.

"Why, I do believe it is!"

"Mistress Lina! Mistress Lina!" Attention was drawn to Lina like a moth to a flame as all the servants saw her walk up to the house. The shouts began in earnest. Zelgadis noticed the way Lina's jaw was set in a stubborn line. He doubted she heard any of the callings. Her mind focused, she stomped up the steps and reached for the door handle. Zelgadis did not move more than a foot away from her. He was a reassuring presence behind her.

The door flung open of its own accord, causing Lina to flinch and back up a step, right into Zelgadis. Neither of them moved. A large shadow filled the doorway, blocking out almost all the light from within.

"Lina Inverse, welcome home."


	6. Crazy for this Girl - Act 5

**Title:** Crazy for this Girl

**Author:** Yugure

**Genre: **Romance

**Bias:** Lina/Zel - Zel/Lina

Rating: PG-13 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Slayers or the characters appearing here. I do own Vinn, although he doesn't believe me when I try to tell him that.

**Author Notes:** Umm… deus ex machinas are fun?

* * *

**Crazy for this Girl - Act 5**

Lina felt her heart leap in her chest at the sight of her father. True, she despised this home, and she hated having to come back, but deep down, buried under years of denial and anger, Lina really missed her parents. The pressure of tears against her eyelids was almost unbearable.

"Welcome home, sweetie," Lord Inverse said.

"Daddy…" The tears broke free and traced the contours of her face, and Lina hated herself for it. She had to be strong, she had to show him who was boss. Instead, Lord Inverse enveloped Lina in a bone-crushing hug. When he released her, Lina gazed up at him with wonder. He bore no grudge for Lina's leaving home without permission? He hadn't ostracized her from the family? Endless possibilities filled Lina's head, of staying home with a loving family and being content at heart. Lina stepped forward to offer another hug when her father shoved a dress into her arms.

"Here's a dress for you. We'll have to get a better one tailored for you, now that you're home. The servants in the vineyard out back will help you remember where everything is. Hurry now, you'll miss the next stomping."

What?

Lina gaped at her father, frozen in her tracks. The dress dangled limply from her arms, sweeping the dust from the cobblestone steps below. She couldn't believe it. In the back of her mind, she knew this would happen. This was precisely why she left and precisely why she didn't want to come back.

"Your friend can run along now. Thank you, sir, for bringing my daughter back," Lord Inverse continued.

"Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore. You can't tell me what to do!"

"Lina, quit being difficult. I had hoped your little 'adventure' would cure you of your impetuousness. Get along, now."

"No! I only came by to tell you I was in town and to say hello. I'm not staying here…" Lina trailed off as her mother appeared in the doorway, scooting around the imposing form of Lord Inverse. Her long red hair curled around her ankles. A gold diadem placed on her head held back the waves of crimson beauty.

"Of course you are, my dear. I'm so glad you're back home." Lady Inverse also embraced her daughter, smelling of fresh lilacs after a spring rain. "Who's your friend here? You didn't go get yourself married, did you, Lina darling? You promised me I could plan your wedding for you!" Lina had promised no such thing, but she didn't have the heart to mention it.

"Mother, I am not married! This is Zelgadis, he's just a really close friend of mine," Lina exclaimed. "We're here to see Vinn's father. Zel was recently cursed and we need to cure him. I only wanted to say hello, but now we have to go, okay?"

"No, that is not all right with me! Lina, this is your home! You must stay here! At least until you are ready to leave Zephilia again. Please," Lina's mother implored. She grasped Lina's hands in her own pale, fragile ones and put on a sad puppy face with her gorgeous green eyes watering. Lina could not resist.

"All right, all right. Do we have an extra room for Zelgadis to stay in?" Lina finally acquiesced.

"Of course, of course. Although… I would like to have a talk with you, young man," Lord Inverse said. Zelgadis had, until that moment, been unusually quiet and withdrawn. He stepped forward and bowed slightly.

"Whatever you wish, sir," he said. Lina was thankful for his good manners. Things could be a lot worse…

"So then! Zelgadis, come with me. Lina, don't forget to change before you get to the vineyard. That ridiculous costume isn't going to help at all," Lord Inverse said, turning his back to reenter the home. Lina stuffed the dress into her mother's arms and grabbed her father's sleeve.

"Dad, I'm not here to help with making wine. I'm here as your daughter and a guest, not as a servant."

"I know what you are here as, Lina. Go on now."

"Dad! That's not fair!"

"Your sister will be here tomorrow to help with the festivities. She's taking the time out of her busy schedule to help. Surely you, the nomad, have time to partake in your heritage…"

Lina mentally cursed. So. Luna wasn't home now, but she would be very shortly. And it was about the time of year for one of the big wine festivals. Luna always was at her worst during holidays… _Of all the rotten luck_. Lina turned around and glared at Kurayami, who mewled and cowered in Zelgadis's protective arms.

It took several more minutes for Lina to convince her father to give up his hopes of her getting into the wine barrels, with the help of the ever-persuasive Lady Inverse. Instead, Lina was given free reign of the house, and Zelgadis and Lord Inverse retired to the library for a chat. Lina was afraid to ask why.

Her old room looked exactly the same as the day she left… well, almost. It was a complete pigsty when she departed from Zephilia. Apparently the maids and tidied things up a bit.

"Mr. Snuggles…" Lina cooed affectionately as she lifted the ratty teddy bear off her bed. A button eye fell to the ground. Lina stared at the sad plush face with one eye and suddenly felt the need to leave again. She dropped the bear and turned to escape when another shadow fell across the floor.

"Lina, dear, why don't you get into some warm pajamas and come sit by the fire," Lady Inverse said, stepping across the threshold. Lina looked away and crossed her arms.

"I'd rather not," she mumbled softly.

"How about some cookies and milk?"

"…" Lina held her stomach in an attempt to make the growling go away, but in spite of the stiff arms, a loud gurgling sound filled the room. Lady Inverse laughed, a sound like the tinkling of silver bells. Lina blushed and turned her back to her mother.

"What if I bring some up to you? Would you prefer that? We could sit and talk – "

"No, I don't want to stay in here."

The silence was thick and uncomfortable, in Lina's opinion. She glanced over her shoulder at Lady Inverse, who sagely nodded her head and left. Lina followed.

"So, Zelgadis Graywords, is it? Hmm," Lina's father muttered as he stoked the roaring fire. "How do you know my daughter?"

Shadows descended into the room from the growing darkness outside, quelled only by the light from the flames. Lord Inverse wandered around the room, nodding at questions and answers unsaid. Zelgadis tried his hardest not to fidget. Kurayami prowled the space beneath the settee.

"She came into possession of something I… thought I needed, so I followed her and requested it back…"

"You stalked my daughter?"

"No, sir! It wasn't like that!" Zelgadis exclaimed, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. "I… she… that is…"

"No need to explain, Zelgadis. I know what it's like to be a young fool in love."

Embarrassment turned to misery when Zelgadis realized he was in for a long lecture about love and hormones and growing up.

"Matilda! Please fetch us two glasses of milk and a plate of Auntie's cinnamon cookies," Lady Inverse ordered. The maid nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. Lina seated herself at the dining room table and began fiddling with a lace doily.

"Now then, where shall we start? We have so much to catch up on…" Lady Inverse began rambling about how life had been since Lina left. Lina, however, barely heard a word. How on earth do you tell your own mother that you conjured up the worst possible black magic, defeated a Dark Lord, saved the world, and were possessed by the Lord of Nightmares herself?

The maid returned. Lady Inverse continued to talk as though Lina couldn't live a moment longer without knowing that last year the crops suffered from a slight drought. Lina worried about her mother's reaction to her own story, she worried about what Luna would be like when she got home, and she mostly worried about what on earth Lord Inverse was telling Zelgadis.

And odds were, because of Zelgadis's latest affliction, it had something to do with Lina's love life. Or lack thereof.

_Dammit. _

"Lina? Lina dear, are you listening?"

"Huh? Oh… oh. Um… yes, I was. It's terrible the crops almost failed last year."

Satisfied with this answer, Lady Inverse chattered on. Lina sighed heavily.

Lina glanced up. She did not like the goofy grin on Zelgadis's face as he and her father marched into the room. Nor did she like the ecstatic look on her father's face. Or the way he lifted Lady Inverse off her seat and gave her a bone-crushing hug.

Kurayami, always the harbinger of bad news, jumped up on her lap and rubbed his tiny furry head against her stomach.

"Did you know? Has she told you yet?" Lord Inverse cried. Lady Inverse, totally perplexed shook her head. The equally puzzled Lina rubbed Kurayami's back until he purred. A sense of doom overcame her.

"Told me what?"

"They're getting married! Our little Lina is getting married!"

As the two adults danced around and shouted joyous exclamations, Lina froze. Every muscle stopped, every bone settled, every molecule of blood turned ice cold. Slowly, slowly, her head turned to face Zelgadis.

The world slowed. The edges turned black. Sound died. Lina's eyes were as empty as Zelgadis had ever seen them.

Zelgadis's smile faltered. He swallowed hard.

Later, witnesses would say the inhuman yowling came before the explosion that rocked the city. Of course, there weren't that many witness left who could talk without spitting out teeth.

"How could you do that to me?! How could you tell them that?! Do you understand what you have done?!?!" Lina shrieked. She stomped her feet and paced the room, her aura like a bonfire radiating from her. Her fangs glimmered in the light and the ruby eyes everyone had always admired were narrowed into tiny slits. A charred and contrite Zelgadis, currently backed into a corner, shook his head fiercely. People in the neighboring inn rooms plugged their ears with wax or shoved pillows down over their heads. After Lina's "accident" and the total destruction of the west wing of her home and a good three-quarters of the forest behind it, Lina and Zelgadis were forced to take shelter at the nearest inn.

"Let me make this CRYSTAL CLEAR FOR YOU!!" Lina screamed. "My parents now think WE are getting MARRIED and absolutely NOTHING can convince them otherwise! They are DEAD SET on seeing me married off; it's one of the reasons I left in the FIRST PLACE! They will FORCE me into marriage because if I refuse they will think I'm getting COLD FEET. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! And when LUNA finds out, I'm good as DEAD!"

"Why - " Zelgadis's voice cracked. He cleared it and tried again: "Why will you be as good as dead?"

"BECAUSE LUNA WILL KILL ME!"

"Why will she -"

"SHUT UP, ZELGADIS, YOU ARE NOT HELPING!"

The chimera wisely fell silent. Lina, however, continued to vent.

"They will marry us even if I don't show up! They have that kind of power in this city! Then they will track me down, lock us up in a house, and force me to play housewife and mother for the rest of my life! GAH! They want GRANDCHILDREN! I am so FREAKING NOT READY to have kids!"

"Can't you just tell them you want to live your own life?"

"DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP, ZELGADIS GRAYWORDS?!"

"…"

"I THOUGHT SO!" Lina stopped her pacing and took a few deep breaths. Her throat was raw from screaming. She put her hand to her forehead. "It's just not that easy. Not that simple. You don't understand. And I can't even begin to explain. My life is completely ruined."

"I'm sorry this happened."

"No you're not. You're ecstatic at the thought of us getting married. L-sama, I hope we get this curse off you. You're like a freaking nutcase. Maybe you'll come to your senses if M'kael will help us. Maybe somehow we can get out of this. Maybe… maybe…" Lina turned away. Zelgadis would have sworn, if not for the concussion he suffered from, that tears were building up in Lina's eyes.

"I really am sorry."

"Not half as sorry as I am." Lina's voice was soft and fragile now. She was silent for a few moments, a strange contrast to her earlier tirade. "I'm going to bed now. Don't bother me." She left the room, slamming the door shut behind her. Zelgadis crawled out of his corner. Kurayami, singed and scared out of his little kitty mind, appeared from beneath the bed and hopped onto the bedside dresser.

"I think I really made a mistake this time," Zelgadis told his furry confidant. Kurayami mewled, as if to say, _No shit, Sherlock._


	7. Crazy for this Girl - Act 6

**Title:** Crazy for this Girl  
**Author:** Yugure  
**Genre: **Romance  
**Bias:** Lina/Zel - Zel/Lina  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Slayers or the characters appearing here. I do own Vinn, although he doesn't believe me when I try to tell him that. I own his parents, and the characterizations of Lina's parents in this fic. I own my brain. I 0\/\/\z j00. I am owned by two cats.

**Author Notes:** This is the last act of Crazy for this Girl. I hope you have enjoyed the fic until now!

* * *

**Crazy for this Girl - Act 6**

Vinn, in a particularly foul mood, kicked over a bucket of soapy water and watched as the small tidal wave obliterated a colony of ants. Vinn glanced up on the horizon. The sun was just peeking over the treetops, smiling and bidding another fair weather day. Soon the streets would be busy with the hustle and bustle of normal everyday life, which Vinn would be required to greet with an amused smile and an air of contentment.

Vinn was not amused.

Nor was he, in any sense of the word, content.

He knew why, too. It was because of Lina's reappearance. Or rather, to be perfectly honest, it was Lina's reappearance in the company of **Zelgadis**. Just thinking about that name brought Vinn's blood to a dangerous roiling boil.

"I was her friend first," Vinn growled to himself as he righted the upturned bucket and stomped back into the shop. "I grew up with her, I protected her from the town goons, and I'M not a FREAK!"

"What's the matter, dear?" Misha, Vinn's mother, asked as Vinn slammed open the door joining the shop and their home. "What's got your undies in a bundle?"

"It's nothing," Vinn grumbled. He stalked into the kitchen, leaving behind his perplexed mother.

Lina yawned loudly and stretched, brushing her hands against the oak headboard above her. She turned over onto her stomach and snuggled in with the blankets wrapped tightly around her and her pillow smashed against her face.

"Lina?" Someone knocked on the door.

"Go 'way," she yelled, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"It's me, Zelgadis."

"I know who it is, now GO AWAY!" With a huff Lina buried her head in the pillow even more, if that was even possible.

"I just thought you might want some breakfast-"

Lina leaped out of bed, ripped open the door, and nearly fell into the arms of a very startled Zelgadis.

"Now you're talking!"

After a hearty breakfast and an equally hearty apology to the owner of the inn for cleaning out their pantry, Lina and Zelgadis made their way back to Vinn's father's store.

"M'kael, are you in here?" Lina called as they entered the shop. There was obvious activity way in the back: people rushed by the open doorways, and the high, melodious music of Misha's singing rose in the air. Misha only sang when she was extremely excited about something.

A figure rushed past the closest doorway, and then did a double take. M'kael stuck his head out into the main shop.

"Lina! I'm so glad you stopped by!"

"You… are?" Lina stammered, perplexed. M'kael was wearing what could only be called a tuxedo-in-the-making. Lina's spirits plummeted.

"Of course! Your father told me the great news! Although I do have to admit I'm disappointed we couldn't save you for Vinn…" M'kael wrapped Lina in his big bear arms.

"I'm not getting married!" Lina exploded when M'kael let her go. "That is a lie!"

"You're not?" M'kael, confused, motioned them to follow him to the back rooms. "Why would your father say - "

"My father got his facts mixed up, is all. There isn't going to be a wedding. I'm not getting married." At the look on the older man's face, she added, "Ever. Don't get any ideas."

"Well, if you ever change your mind…" Deciding he wanted to live a few more years, M'kael changed the subject. "Let's see what we can do about your friend's… ah, curse."

Together the trio entered one of the back workrooms. Inside, shelves lined with all kinds of medicinal herbs and books leaned against the wall. Sitting down at the center table, M'kael clasped his hands together and rested them on the tabletop.

"So, tell me what, exactly, seems to be the problem."

Lina and Zelgadis looked at each other, and each flushed a mild shade of red. At that precise moment, Misha passed the room, and after seeing the occupants, she entered.

"Congratulations, Lina! Who's going to be your bridesmaid? You don't have much time - "

"She's not getting married, dear," M'kael said before Lina could explode again. Misha looked taken aback, but only raised her eyebrows.

"Wishful thinking on my father's behalf," Lina explained as gently as she could. If one more person talked to her about that, she was going to kill something. Or someone.

"Oh. I see. Lina, dear, I don't know if we've told you yet, but we've been looking for – "

"A wife for Vinn, right?"

"Why, yes, how did you know?!"

At Lina's expression, Misha decided to leave the question unanswered.

"Uh, M'kael, what about your… uh, your tuxedo? You're still wearing the seamstress's design…"

"Oh, this thing. Right. I keep forgetting that. Well, tell her we won't need her anymore. Now, if you don't mind, I've got a curse to lift."

"Sure thing, dear." After her departure, M'kael turned back to the youngsters before him.

"Curse. What is it? How do you know it's a curse? How long has it been?" he demanded. When neither answered, he sighed heavily. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"It's some sort of love curse, sir," Zelgadis finally said. He refused to meet M'kael's eyes. "I can't tell, but Lina seems to think something's wrong." Zelgadis stopped, unsure what to say.

"One night he was fine, the next morning, he woke up with an insatiable need to be with me," Lina continued, also keeping her eyesight locked on the wood table. "As in, was madly in love with me. He won't leave me alone. Everywhere we go he acts all sick and lovey-dovey. And he's never normally like that. That's how we know it's a curse. It's been about a week now, but since the curse, he thinks he's loved me ever since he met me."

"I see." The words held fathoms more than they seemed. M'kael was not what one would call a genius. Nor, by any stretch of the imagination, was he a stupid man. He could see much more than what was right in front of him. "Well, I'll see what I can do. I'll need the rest of today to look through my books and gather the materials I might need. Come back tomorrow morning, and I should have something we can work with."

"Can't you do it sooner?" Lina begged. She wanted to be out of Zephilia as soon as she could possibly be.

"I'm sorry, Lina, but I have a business to run, too. I'll devote as much time as I can to this, but I only have so much. Come back tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine. Thanks, M'kael." Lina and Zelgadis left. M'kael sat quietly for a few minutes, then began searching his bookshelves.

He wouldn't find what he was looking for.

The book with the cure in it wasn't in M'kael's library at the time. It had been removed by a cantankerous Vinn, and unintentionally so. He was looking for a spell that would help him win this invisible battle between him and Zelgadis.

"What about this? … No, wouldn't work. … This would take too much time… This? No, too risky…" Vinn grumbled as he worked in the dark of his parent's wine cellar. The only illumination was the light from the open doorway and the small candle he had beside him. "Wait…" Quickly flipping back to the page he had just seen, Vinn ran his finger across the words, hope alighting his heart.

"Perfect! 'Said to make one hate the first thing they see upon the activation of the spell, Contempt-in-Lethargy is a fast-acting flower essence that works best when dissolved in a liquid. CiL puts the consumer in a slight stupor; upon "awakening", consumer will abhor the first thing it sees. It is noted, however, that the use of CiL on already bewitched/cursed persons may cause adverse side effects, including disfigurement, spontaneous combustion, and, in worse case scenarios, death.' So all I have to do is make sure Zelgadis doesn't drink any of this." Vinn's smile was bright enough to kill small mammals. He immediately set about finding the right ingredients. Vinn didn't want to kill Zelgadis; he just wanted him out of the picture. "So if I give this to Lina, and she sees Zelgadis, then she'll hate him forever! Bye-bye, Zelgadis! So long!"

Lina paced in her room at the inn. If she didn't think fast and act quickly, she was going to be in a very big mess. Her father and mother didn't actually need her to be at home to continue with the wedding plans; Lady Inverse was more than competent at planning occasions. And Luna…. Lina winced as she remembered that Luna was coming home today.

"This is not happening to me. I'm not really here. I'm dreaming," Lina muttered. She flopped down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. After a few minutes of glassy-eyed staring at the swirled designs in the wood planks, Lina shouted, "WHY ME?!"

"Lina, I have an idea," came a voice from the other side of Lina's door.

"Go away, Zelgadis."

"I already was away. I even picked up some apple cinnamon muffins from Auntie's…" Zelgadis blinked as he found himself suddenly staring at Lina's greedy face.

"Why didn't you say so?" she said sweetly, dragging the poor chimera and his goods into the room and slamming the door. As Lina wolfed down on the muffins, Zelgadis pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down in it.

"Why don't we just go through with it?" he said.

"Whu?" was the startled reply. Crumbs dropped from Lina's chin and open mouth to sprinkle the clean bed linens.

"The wedding. Why not just give in?"

"Are you fricking nuts?!" Lina exclaimed, shoving the last of the muffins into her mouth and chewing away savagely. "What kind of stupid idea is that?!"

"Well, the way I see it…"

"No, get out of my room!"

"But I haven't even explained my idea!"

"I don't care, get out!"

"Just listen, please!"

"…. Explain quickly…" Lina scowled at Zelgadis as she licked her fingers and began picking up all the little crumbs.

"We can always get an annulment afterwards. They'd never know about it if we went someplace outside of Zephilia. That way, you'd get your parents off your back but also satisfy them."

"Are you sure this isn't just some ploy to get me to marry you?" Lina asked. As Zelgadis's gaze slipped off to Lina's left and he began muttering something, Lina pounded her fist on the bed. "I knew it! You'd get us married and then refuse to sign the annulment papers! You bloody bastard…."

"No, Lina, it's not like that! I promise you, I'll do whatever you want. I'm only trying to help you," Zelgadis defended.

"Sure you are," Lina scoffed, but she looked as though she were honestly contemplating it. After a few moments of silence, Lina finally nodded her head. "Damn, I can't believe I'm going through with this…"

When the Inverse household heard of Lina's consent, there was a furious uproar. People rushed to and fro in the house (or rather, what was left of it). Lina's father hired as many people as possible to rebuild his house, and at the rate they were going (and also considering how much he was paying them), the house would be done in a day or two. Lina got swept up in the whirlwind of pre-wedding plans. Her mother and father took care of everything and the only thing left for Lina to do was allow her mother's seamstresses to make her a dress.

Which wasn't exactly a walk in the park.

By the end of the day, five seamstresses had quit, seven more had been hired, and the body count was up to 17. Nobody had actually died, or course, but a lot of them came awfully close, and the amount of people sent to the insane asylum was shocking. Lina finally managed to settle on a dress, but only after Luna came home and told her she had to. As for Zelgadis, a tuxedo was fit for him, but he was much more agreeable about it.

Vinn found out that evening at dinner, when his parents couldn't keep it secret anymore. They didn't know what sort of reaction to expect, but they certainly hadn't thought Vinn would jump up from the table, curse, and storm down to the wine cellar. M'kael and Misha were too perplexed to follow.

The wedding was planned for the following day. Lina couldn't believe a wedding could possibly be planned and arranged that quickly, but then she had to consider how influential her father was, how many connections he had, and how much money he was willing to pay for his little girl. That, and Luna oversaw all the workers and made sure they stuck to schedule.

Later that night, back at the inn, Lina examined her wedding dress. She held it up with a levitation spell and slowly spun it around to see it from all angles. Lady Inverse absolutely insisted on white, declaring that the only fitting color for a virgin was white. Lina wasn't going to argue that, but she also bristled at her mother jumping to conclusions. Lina had spent the following few minutes fuming and wondering what made her mother think she was still a virgin. Was it the shortness? The petite frame? The baby face? The lack of breasts? She finally settled on the idea that her mother was delusional and of course would think the absolute best of her daughter.

The fabric was silk and felt like a second skin when worn. Lina remembered trying it on, feeling the dress cling to her torso and falling away in waves from her waist. Small diamonds like raindrops were sown in a scattered pattern. It was a simple dress and yet was more elegant than anything Lina had ever worn. She hated seeing herself in her ragged traveling clothes and then looking at this gorgeous dress she was supposed to wear.

"This isn't for me," she whispered, ending the levitation spell and catching the dress in her arms. She put it back in the closet, along with her silly veil, matching white shoes, and white silk gloves. "I'm Lina Inverse. Lina Inverse does NOT wear clothes like this. Lina Inverse doesn't get married, either!" Growling in frustration, Lina threw herself onto her bed and didn't even bother changing into pajamas. She fell asleep soon enough.

The next day dawned bright and sunny. Word traveled fast, and the whole city of Zephilia turned out for the wedding. It was to be held outside in the Inverse's large garden. Large white tents were constructed for the banquet following the ceremony and for the people to prepare for the wedding. Lina found herself, once again, pacing. She ignored the servants rushing past, scurrying to get dresses and tuxedos delivered and catering to the whims of the Inverse family. Lina hadn't seen Zelgadis since that morning when her father and his servants carted him off for whatever it is men do before a wedding. Lina glared at her dress hanging from a rack. At the moment, all she could do was think dark thoughts. The wedding was to commence in an hour and she should have already been dressed up. Lina, however, was not going to spend one more minute in that thing than she had to. Besides, it did not bode well for her reputation as the Bandit Killer, Dragon Spooker, and Dramatta.

That is, she wasn't going to spend one more minute in it unless Luna came around, which she just happened to do…

"Lina, what do you think you're doing, sitting and dawdling around? Get dressed," Luna commanded, seemingly having appeared out of nowhere. Lina yelped and jumped.

"Sister, uh… I was just going to do that, thank you," Lina replied, her eyes wide with fear. Luna was wearing a pale purple dress similar to Lina's.

"Need help?" Luna offered. Lina cringed and reached for her dress. If she didn't answer this carefully, she was going to be in a lot of pain.

"Uh… yes, that would be nice," Lina began. Before she could say another word, Luna took the dress.

"Off with your shirt, Lina. It would look absolutely ridiculous with this dress," Luna commanded. Lina hated undressing in front of her sister, mostly because they were both aware of how underdeveloped she was. "Arms up." Lina held up her arms and didn't even have a chance to draw breath before Luna tugged the dress down around her head and shoulders. "Turned around. I want to see how you look." Lina turned to face her sister, keeping her eyes cast downward. When there was no reply for several moments, Lina looked up.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. Luna's face was completely blank of expression. There were a few more moments of uncomfortable silence.

"Where's Mom?" Luna finally asked. "She should be here with you."

"She's getting dressed, too," Lina replied.

"Lina, don't take this the wrong way, but…" Luna gave her little sister a quick hug and then just as quickly stepped back. "And if you tell anyone about that, I'll kill you." Luna exited the tent, leaving a stunned Lina to stare at the spot of her departure.

There was nothing left to do except continue to get ready. Lina removed her magenta pants and slipped into her white shoes. She was just waiting for the hairdressers to come back when there was a soft scratching at the back of the tent.

"Who's there?" Lina demanded, summoning up a fireball.

"It's just me. Can I come in?" Vinn's disembodied voice called out.

"AH! No, you can't!" Lina expired the fireball and looked around frantically for something to cover herself up with. She didn't want Vinn to see her like this. They grew up together, and he would tease her mercilessly if he saw her.

"Please, Lina, it's urgent."

"No, you can't see me like this!"

"Oh come on, you can't look that bad…"

"SHUT UP!" Lina thought about fireballing him anyway and just hoping the tent didn't go up in flames.

"I have cookies."

"… Fine." Lina cursed her weak mind and complete lack of self-control. She stood straight and faced the back. She might as well try to look the part of indignant bride.

Vinn crawled beneath the tent and brought a large sack with him. He didn't even see Lina until he had successfully gotten it through, repositioned the tent wall to where it should be, and turned around.

To say he was speechless was an understatement. Mouth open, tongue lolling out, eyes bulging in their sockets, limp arms, jelly knees: he was the epitome of astonished.

"Close your mouth, baka, you look like a fish," Lina mumbled, blushing a fierce scarlet. "And give me those cookies." Vinn shook himself out of a stupor and reached into his bag. He pulled out a sack of cookies and a small canister of liquid.

"I made some tea for you, too. I thought you could use something to relax you. Weddings always make me uptight, too," Vinn said. He held out the offering to Lina and smiled.

"Thank you. That was really nice of you," Lina replied, accepting the gift. She sat down in her chair, careful to keep the dress free from too many wrinkles. She began eating the cookies.

Vinn couldn't keep the smile off his face. Things were working out perfectly. All he had to do was excuse himself and go find Zelgadis, who he was supposed to help find the men's tent. Zelgadis had gotten lost in the huge garden and was relying on Vinn to help him through it. Vinn, acting buddy-buddy and being nice, left Zelgadis close by, claiming he had something important to do that wouldn't take too long. If things worked out right, and Vinn left now, he'd steer Zelgadis back to Lina's tent. By that time, Lina would have tried the tea and would be in the stupor that Contempt-in-Lethargy always puts its victims. When she awoke, Zelgadis would be right in front of her, and Vinn would be there to escort her away from the man she would hopefully hate.

"Well, I'll see you later than," Vinn said, excusing himself. "Don't forget to drink the tea. It will help, I promise." With a small bow, he left. Lina looked down at the canister of tea.

Outside the tent, Vinn laughed and practically skipped back to where he had left Zelgadis waiting.

"Okay, Zel, this way," he said. Vinn stopped. He stared. There was no one there.

"Those cookies did make me really thirsty," she said to herself. Shrugging, she unscrewed the top and lifted the drinking vessel to her lips.

"Oh! Lina, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were in here…" Lina nearly dropped the flask as she heard Zelgadis's voice. She stood up abruptly and faced the front door. Zelgadis, looking incredibly handsome in his tuxedo, was rubbing his head sheepishly. "I got lost and my guide disappeared. I was hoping I could find it by myself…" Zelgadis stopped talking as he realized what he was seeing in front of him.

Lina didn't know what to say. She was too mesmerized by how incredibly scrumptious Zelgadis was and too busy silently screaming at herself for having such thoughts about her friend. Zelgadis was affecting much the same reaction that Vinn had, only his was much more intense. Zelgadis had seen Lina eat an inn out of an entire month's supply, rob an entire bandit gang blind in less than half an hour, and destroy a demon with only a few spells. He had never seen her standing quietly, wearing a dress fit for a princess, with her pretty hair cascading over her shoulders and a gentle expression on her face.

If he didn't know better, he would have said she looked like an angel.

"Um… you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding," Lina managed to stammer, her face firing up again. She sat back down and turned away. "The men's tent is three spots over from this one."

"Lina… you look beautiful," Zelgadis said softly, not even thinking about what he was saying. Lina laughed and sunk her head into her hands.

"Don't say that. This isn't me," she replied. "This isn't real. It can't be." She sighed. Lifting up the flask of tea once again, she held it out to Zelgadis. "Would you like a drink? You look about as relaxed as I feel. Which isn't much."

"Um… thank you," Zelgadis replied, taking the canister. He took a few swallows and grimaced. "Ugh, it tastes awful! Who made it?"

"Vinn did," Lina said. She watched as Zelgadis's face contorted and then went slack. When he made no move to hand her back the flask, nor any facial movement at all, Lina moved closer to him and poked him with her index finger. "Hey, are you okay?" There was no response. Growing very uncomfortable, Lina took the flask out of Zelgadis's hand and sniffed the liquid inside. It didn't smell like anything.

Suddenly Zelgadis winced and groaned. He dropped to his knees and curled up.

"Zelgadis, what's wrong?!" Lina demanded, dropping to a crouch and hoping her dress wouldn't pick up too many grass stains.

"I don't know," Zelgadis replied, his voice strained. "Whatever's in that tea isn't reacting very well with my body." He let out a gasp, and his eyes flew open. They locked with Lina's concerned ruby eyes.

"I'll go get Vinn and ask him what he put in it," Lina said, standing up in a hurry. Zelgadis squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

Just as Lina was about to leave her tent, Vinn burst in with a wild expression on his face.

"Lina, is Zelgadis in here?"

"Yes, he is, but what the hell did you put in that drink you gave me?!"

"Zelgadis is here?" Vinn ignored the petite sorceress. "Did you drink the tea?"

"No, I was about to, but then Zelgadis came in and-"

"No, no, no," Vinn muttered, shaking his head. "If you didn't drink it, then it didn't work…"

"What are you talking about?! And what the HELL did you put in it? Zelgadis is on the ground over there in serious pain!" At this outburst, Vinn finally looked over at the writhing chimera.

"Oh, sh," Vinn cursed, loudly and with feeling. "He wasn't supposed to drink it. Lina, why did you let him drink it?!"

"I didn't know it would do that do him! Would that have happened to me?" Realization dawned on Lina. She grabbed Vinn by the lapels of his tuxedo. "Were you trying to poison me?"

"No, I wasn't!" As Vinn tried to explain what he had done, which wasn't easy with Lina Inverse digging her fingers into his collarbone and her battle aura nearly scorching off his skin, Lady Inverse and her entourage entered the tent. Luna followed close behind, along with M'kael and Misha. After having noticed the groom missing and hearing weird noises from Lina's tent, they had decided to investigate.

"What is going on here?!" Lady Inverse exclaimed. "Lina, what are you doing to Vinn, and why is Zelgadis on the ground?!"

M'kael and Misha rushed to Zelgadis's side. M'kael glared up at his son.

"Vinn, I know you had something to do with this. What happened?"

Vinn explained once more, shame burning bright in his face. Lina finally let him go and went to Zelgadis's side. Zelgadis had broken out in a sweat and was burning with fever.

"He's not going to die," Lina stated. She put her hand on his forehead and recoiled from the heat. "I won't let him die."

"No Lina, he's not dying," M'kael replied. "If I'm not mistaken, Vinn here might have actually reversed the curse."

"WHAT?!" The resounding reply was loud in the enclosed space. Lina stared at M'kael and waited for his reply.

"I was researching last night and I came upon a small tome of various natural plants and minerals that use or have magical properties. I believe, from what you've told me, Zelgadis was given Love-in-Idleness, which causes the victim to fall in love with whatever he or she sees first upon awakening. Contempt-in-Lethargy elicits hate in much the same way. I couldn't find the cure yesterday because Vinn here took the book it was in, not knowing it was the cure," M'kael explained.

"So… it nullifies the first one? Love and hate cancel out?" Lina asked, her brain working overtime. M'kael nodded. "Well, is he going to be okay?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, he should be fine in just a few minutes. The Contempt-in-Lethargy is currently burning away the Love-in-Idleness. He'll be back to normal soon," M'kael replied. After summoning a cold cloth from one of the servants and placing it on Zelgadis's head, M'kael took Vinn by the ear and left the tent. Lady Inverse and her entourage, satisfied that things were under control, went about their ways. Luna scolded Lina for sitting on the ground with her white dress and left, having only given a warning. But, of course, for Lina that was more than enough.

"Lina, what happened and why the hell am I wearing a tuxedo?" Zelgadis suddenly asked from his position on the floor. Lina dropped to her knees again beside him.

"It's a long story." Hardly daring to believe, Lina placed her hand on Zelgadis's abdomen. "Zelgadis, do you love me?"

"Excuse me?!" The look of pure terror on Zelgadis's face was highly amusing.

"Do you love me?

"What… what do you mean?"

"If I asked you to jump my bones, would you do it?"

"…" Zelgadis's face turned a new shade of red. Lina persisted, ignoring the blush on her own cheeks.

"Well?"

"I… Lina… what the hell… no, I wouldn't," Zelgadis finally managed to stammer. "Why would you ask me something like that?"

Instead of replying, Lina just helped the chimera stand up and gave him a hug.

"I wouldn't, but you would," Lina replied cryptically.

"Would you mind explaining what's going on? The last thing I really remember is eating dinner with you and Gourry and Amelia…"

"You don't remember ANYTHING?" Lina exclaimed.

"Some blurred memories, like I've been living in a fog for the past week. But nothing clear. What's going on? And you're wearing a wedding dress…" Zelgadis finally noticed the beautiful blushing maiden before him. Once again, he fell silent in awe.

"I'll tell you later. But first, we need to get the hell out of here," Lina replied.

"Why?"

"We were going to get married."

"WHAT?!"  
"Like I said, I'll tell you later." Lina smiled. She led Zelgadis out the back of the tent. When it was clear, they raced for the house. "Glad to have you back, Zel." Zelgadis grimaced.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret whatever it is I've done in the last week?"

**THE END!**


	8. Crazy for this Girl - Encore

**Title: **Crazy for this Girl – Encore!

**Author:** Yugure

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Slayers. Wish I did.

**Notes:** Hopefully this epilogue (which I had not intended on writing, but after being spurned on by reviewers I felt I had to) will answer any remaining questions. However, since I **liked** the cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter, and I put it there for a reason, this won't be a continuation, per se, so much as a "the last chapter but from different perspectives" kind of thing. Except the Lina and Zel dialogue, which you can consider to be an event after everything else occurs.

* * *

**Crazy for this Girl – Encore!**

At the time of separation, Gourry knew exactly where he had to go and what he had to do. However, five minutes later he had no clue what he was supposed to do. Finding himself alone and very hungry, Gourry wandered off in the vague direction of Sairaag.

For a brainless but very talented swordsman, he survived fairly well. He was almost never cheated out of a deal, after having spent so many years watching Lina haggle with merchants. Gourry wandered from inn to inn, eating and sleeping and doing whatever it is swordsmen do when they have time to themselves. His only real goal was to find Sylphiel in Sairaag; one, because he had the vague feeling that he was supposed to ask her something important and two, because she was a great cook.

Xelloss, growing bored with wrecking havoc in Lina and Zelgadis's lives, decided he would be of better use tagging along with Gourry. Gourry was glad to have the traveling companion, although most of the time he forgot who it was he was traveling with.

"Say, Gourry, what is it you were going to do in Sairaag?" Xelloss asked one evening as he watched Gourry wolf down a large plate of roast beef.

"Um…" Pausing for just a moment, Gourry scratched his chin and retreated into deep thought. Several seconds passed by. The expression on his face never changed. Xelloss's eyebrows rose quizzically. Just when the trickster priest was about to poke the blonde swordsman, Gourry snapped out of it.

"Sorry, got lost in thought," he apologized sheepishly.

"Unfamiliar territory?" Xelloss replied cheekily.

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Um… I was supposed to get Sylphiel's help with something. Lina wanted me to. Do you remember what for, Xelloss?"

"I haven't the faintest, Gourry," Xelloss lied. He smiled brightly as Gourry shrugged and went back to eating.

Eventually Gourry made it to Sairaag. He found Sylphiel at home, baking a large batch of cinnamon sugar cookies.

"Hi Sylphiel!" Gourry called out from the open doorway. Sylphiel nearly dropped the tray of cookies as she stood up abruptly and whirled around.

"Gourry-sama?!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know!"

"Well… where is Miss Lina and the others?"  
"Um… I don't know!"

"…" Sylphiel put down the cookies and wiped her hands on her apron. "Did Miss Lina ditch you again?"

"No… I don't think so. I was supposed to ask you something. Maybe Xelloss remembers now?" Gourry turned around to address his traveling companion, who was there just a second ago, but Xelloss was gone.

"Mr. Xelloss was with you?" Sylphiel's eyes widened. "How very strange!"

"Is it?" Gourry asked, looking confused.

"Never mind. Come in, sit down! Would you like some cookies and milk?"

"Yes, I would! Thanks, Sylphiel!"

Sylphiel busied herself in the kitchen with loading a large platter with cookies and a few glasses of milk. Gourry made himself comfortable on the couch in the sitting room. The gentle shrine maiden returned, lowering herself to perch lightly beside the swordsman.

"I hope there's enough. I wasn't expecting any visitors, especially not any that eat like you do. I can always make more, though," Sylphiel said. She smiled as Gourry happily munched away on the cookies, clearly enjoying the small feast. Suddenly the timer on the oven went off. Sylphiel excused herself to take out the next batch. In her absence, Xelloss returned.

"Hmm…" Xelloss picked up a cup of milk, examined it, and dropped in a few drops of liquid from a small vial.

"What's that?" Gourry asked.

"Just a little something I picked up at the pharmacy," Xelloss handed the glass back to the swordsman and grinned. "Try it. It's an experiment in progress, but so far the results have been spectacular. It tastes good as well, I should think."

"Okay!" Having no real reason to deny the gift, Gourry took a large swallow of his beverage. "Wow… it does taste good …" Of course, it didn't taste anything different than it normally would, but Gourry didn't know that.

"Who are you talking to?" Sylphiel asked as she entered the room once again.

"Xelloss," Gourry replied, but frowned in bewilderment as the Mazoku was, once again, no longer there.

"He was here?"

"Um… I thought so…" Gourry scratched his chin, got lost in thought, found his way out with breadcrumbs, and finally shrugged his shoulders. He looked at Sylphiel, then at the cookies on the plate in front of him, then back to Sylphiel. "Um… Sylphiel?"

"Yes, Gourry-sama?"

"Wanna get married?"

Xelloss chuckled to himself as he strolled away from the shrine maiden's home, only wincing once at the shriek of pure elation that nearly shook the foundations of the surrounding buildings.

"What else could I possibly do on a day such as this?" the Mazoku wondered out loud. Suddenly struck with an idea, he phased out and reappeared in Zephilia. "He's around here somewhere, I know he is…"

**He** happened to be a little neglected ball of fluff. After Lina and Zel had gone to M'kael for help, Kurayami made the mistake of escaping the inn in search of rodents to terrorize and bugs to eat. He ended up being locked out, and in the flurry of activities that was Lina's pre-wedding plans, was completely forgotten.

Xelloss phased in behind the inn where he knew Lina and Zel had stayed the night before. The back alley was the perfect place for a lost kitten to hide and stay out of the way of strange passers-by.

"Here, kitty kitty kitty…" Xelloss called out, flipping over cardboard boxes and bags of garbage. Kurayami crawled out from behind a trashcan and stared up at the Mazoku.

"Mew?"

"How would you like to live in a palace, little one?" Xelloss said, scooping up the kitten into his arms. "I know a princess who will just love you!"

"Mew?"

"Yeah… something like that."

Together they phased out.

Xelloss was not a fool. He knew that Kurayami was a jinxed cat and had been since birth. There was no way of removing that kind of curse. There was, of course, an awful lot of mischief that could be made after releasing the kitten in the Saillune palace. And so, having decided how to spend his afternoon, Xelloss set out to Saillune.

His arrival wasn't what you would call welcome. It took Amelia nearly an hour to calm down the guards and mages who were in an uproar that a Mazoku, especially one so powerful as Xelloss, was in the royal palace.

"Mr. Xelloss, please don't hold it against them. They're only doing their job," Amelia said gently as she led a sore and beaten Xelloss to the sitting room. Xelloss just smiled.

"I agree, Princess. I couldn't forgive them if they let anything happen to you," he lied, being the bastard he was well known as. Amelia flushed happily and smiled in return. After the two chatted for a while about nothing in particular, Xelloss pulled a sleeping Kurayami from his cloak.

"Oh! What an adorable kitty! What was he doing in your cloak, Mr. Xelloss?" Amelia exclaimed, taking the small bundle of black fur into her arms. Kurayami blinked sleepily.

"I found him wandering the streets outside. I thought maybe you might want to take care of him. After all, it would be unjust to let him die when he could be helped," Xelloss fibbed.

"Awww! Of course I'll take care of him! Justice shall always prevail! Isn't that right, Mr. Fuzzy?" Amelia held Kurayami up to look him in his face. The black cat, if he had them, would have raised his eyebrows. Instead, he just meowed. Amelia squealed and snuggled the kitten to her chest. "Mr. Xelloss, would you like some tea? I can have the servants bring in a cup…"

"Oh, let me. I insist," Xelloss said, getting to his feet. "I know where the kitchen is. I'll be back soon."

"You don't have to go! I can just send a maid-"

"No, Princess, I don't mind." Xelloss faded out with one last wave of his hand and a smile.

Nobody paid Xelloss much attention in the kitchen except a few of the very young hired help. Xelloss located an especially timid, geeky boy and approached him.

"Princess Amelia wishes to be served tea in the sitting room," Xelloss informed him. "I suspect you should hurry up."

The boy, absolutely terrified of the strange man and the idea of actually approaching the princess, froze in his tracks. He didn't move until Xelloss opened his eyes to slits. After that, the boy was a blur. When no one was watching, Xelloss slipped a few drops from the vial into the glass.

Xelloss followed the boy to the sitting room and stopped him outside the door.

"You are to stay in there until after she begins drinking. Do not come out until she has spoken to you. Understand?" Xelloss said. The boy nodded quickly. He was too scared to disobey the stranger.

Xelloss chuckled to himself as the boy entered the room. Neither one of them noticed the door slightly ajar. Xelloss leaned against the wall, biding his time until the two emerged; hopefully, one of them would be a love-struck princess…

"No, Mr. Fuzzy! Oh, Mervin, would you please go after the cat? I don't want him lost!" Amelia's voice suddenly carried loud and clear. Xelloss stood up straighter and glanced at the door. The door opened even more and Kurayami bolted. Like a rat on steroids, the kitten zoomed down the hall. Mervin, the hired help, followed soon after, running at full tilt on gangly legs. Xelloss frowned. He turned back to the room as Amelia stepped out, teacup in hand.

"Mr. Xelloss, Mr. Fuzzy just started acting funny! When Mervin came in the room, he got all hunched up and started hissing! Then he jumped down to the floor and took off! Do you know why he would do that?" Amelia rambled. She tugged on Xelloss's arm and looked up at him with watery eyes. "You didn't do anything to him before you got here, did you?"

Xelloss didn't say anything. He simply watched in horror as the teacup lifted and Amelia took a long sip. She licked her lips and glanced down at the contents.

"Mmm… chamomile, my favorite!" Amelia took a large swallow and looked back at Xelloss. She smiled around the cup.

"No… don't drink that, Amelia!" Xelloss finally said, his voice sounding weird even to him. He reached out and tried to grab the teacup away, hoping it wasn't too late. Amelia, perplexed, backed up a step and Xelloss's hand met empty air.

"Why not?" Amelia asked, raising her eyebrows. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes… no… just… don't look at me!" Xelloss backed away from the princess and looked around for something to hide behind.

"Why are you acting so funny? There's nothing wrong with how you look; why can't I look at you?" Amelia stepped forward. They continued their little dance, Xelloss edging away and Amelia progressing forward.

"How do you feel, Amelia?" Xelloss asked, afraid of the answer. Amelia shrugged her shoulders.

"I feel okay, I guess. Why?" Amelia thought for a moment, then smiled widely. "I would feel better if you were closer to me."

The inhuman shriek could be heard throughout the entire city of Saillune. Sheep in their pastures, on the very outskirts, raised their fluffy heads. However, since it did not concern them, they quickly went back to consuming grass.

Kurayami curled up into a ball, nestling himself on the very top of the largest wardrobe he could find. His tail flicked lazily over his face and soon he was sleeping. He did not let the squeaky, plaintive calls of Mervin, nor the crying of Xelloss, nor the exclamations of love from Amelia, disturb his rest.

Elsewhere…

"Lina?"

"Yeah, Zel?"

"Why is your family so psychotic?"

"…"

"I mean, no offense, but they were trying to marry us? Why on earth would you go along with something like that? I thought you knew I was under a spell."

"…"

"Lina?"

"…"

"What's wrong? Isn't that how it went? You told me that I was under a spell, and we went to Zephilia to get help, and your parents tried to marry us. Did you leave something out?"

"No, that's about it." _Please don't ask anymore!_

"Are you lying to me?" _She's lying to me!_

"No, of course not! Why would I do that?" _Yes I'm lying, dammit! I'm not going to tell you that you were head over heels in love with me! And that I AGREED to go through with the wedding! And that I was falling for you…DAMMIT! I can't even tell myself that!!!_

"Lina, please. We've known each other for a long time now. I can handle anything you have to tell me." _You better tell me or this is going to get ugly very quickly!_

"Don't you trust me?" _Of course he doesn't._

"Well… yes…" _Absolutely not!_

"So leave it at that."

"Lina…"

"What?"

"I'm madly in love with you. Will you marry me?"

"WHAT?! HOW THE HELL…?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE CURED!!!"

"So that's what happened! You lying little witch!"

"…." _Busted…_

**THE END! FIN! OWARI! **


End file.
